Sunday, February 20, 2005

Low Rise Jeans =-= The Decline of Western Civilization

What the heck is going on here. Am I taking crazy pills? Or did it suddenly become okay for women to show a "little plumber crack"?
Four or five years ago, Low Rise Jeans hit their Tipping Point and became "the only acceptable way to wear denim" for women. Not a big deal to me, I still get to wear my baggy jeans the way i like 'em, these rules didn't apply to me. And if they're done right, low rise jeans can be a very nice way to wear jeans. Shortly after that, it also became fashionable to wear "midriff revealing" tops. Again, not a big deal, because for the majority of the women doing it at the time, it was a benefit to the world at large. On occasion you would see someone wearing one of these tops who probably needed to do a sit-up or 100, but who am I to talk? I need to do plenty of sit-ups myself, but with that in mind, I try not to wear as many "swub-revealing" tops either (s.w.u.b. = soft white under belly).
Since then some of these trends have gone wildly awry -- it turns out that at the same time all this is happening in the fashion world, the Thong becomes the panty of choice among the female community. Again, on its own, this wouldn't bother me, but add it to the recent chain of fashion events, and here begins the nightmare. The "cool thing" for these fashion victims becomes wearing the Thong while wearing the Low Rise Jeans. This is one of those cases where more is not better and 1+1 does not equal two. Instead ot getting the benefit of the simple combination of two singularly acceptable fashion items, you get this ensemble which causes me to regret liking either in the first place. Add in the unfortunate Midriff Revealing Top and BANG! we, the viewers of this travesty, become the fashion victims.
But wait! There's More! Yesterday at the mall I found myself in shock... not just once, but three times I was ACCOSTED by female plumber butt. Not just a hint of cheek on these zoftig ladies, but over two full inches of frightening cleavage. The first time I just figured that it was one girl's unfortunate choice to squeeze into some low rise jeans, AND wear a short cropped top. It hurt me, but she is forgiven. Well, she was... until i saw the second. And the third. All in the span of 2 hours. Way too much. It shouldn't have happened. I may never go to the mall again.
When did this become cool? I realize that at some point in time, probably on a day when a turtleneck just wouldn't do, showing a little busom cleavage became high fashion. In fact, it might have shocked a few people back then too, but eventually it became acceptable and then "normal". I can handle that. I actually don't mind it at all. But what does this mean? Will it become normal for the "plumber style?" Will I have to put up with my daughter wearing clothes like this? I am afraid for us. I am afraid that no one else will say something and then all of a sudden, whoosh, the fad becomes the standard. Is this the decline of western civilization? Have we reached our social peak where we just can't do anything to improve ourselves any longer? I had always thought that it would be something else that would trigger it, something political or more meaningfully social. But here we are, at the apex of our society's evolution, and I can now see the trip back down the long hill. Female fashion. Scary.

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