Fatty McButterpants goes on a diet

I went to the doctor for my yearly, wife-imposed visit to my doctor. I probably would not go if it weren't for my wonderful wife, unless of course i had a limb falling off or i was bleeding from my eyes. It's always good that she sends me, but I just wouldn't choose to go if it were up to me.
I wouldn't choose to go because normally the doctor finds something wrong with me. This time was no different. It turns out that i have ridiculously high cholesterol and I was given three months to straighten it out before I would be "put on the pills." I would be advised to take a daily cholesterol-lowering medication for the rest of my life.
So there I was: overweight and hungry, worried but not knowing exactly why, feeling angry and not knowing at what. When I made it to the doctor's office they weighed me in at about 255 pounds (i don't know exactly how much over 250 I was because once they moved the counterbalance to the "250" marker i turned my head up in embarrassment). I am guessing 255 because i think it is reasonable based on how little she tapped the single pound weight to the right.
The photo you see on the right is of me a few months earlier. My head had become this round basketball shape to match the medicine ball i carried for a belly. I had started to lose my chin and had trouble seeing my own shoelaces. I tried to ignore it, but it was even starting to get difficult to pick my kid's toys up off the floor -- bending over was tough, and I was just generally out-of-shape. I had tried to get into shape a few years ago and went to the gym fairly regularly. The problem was that the trainer I had didn't understand my body, by eating habits or my workout goals; frankly, I didn't understand them either. Going to the gym, taking the supplements and following the "diet" for about six months left me frustrated and about 10 pounds heavier than i was. I am certain that I did put on a decent amount of muscle mass but I was still disappointed in the results. Two pregnancies later (honey, it is NOT your fault, it just made it easier for me to EAT EAT EAT), I ballooned up to my 255-ish frame. And there i was, at the doctor's office. TA-DAA!!
So, I didn't know what to do to fix my problem, but I knew I had to do something. I was angry that I let myself get into this situation at all, but worried that I might be out of control and spiralling towards an early demise. But I ain't no River Phoenix... I can kick. Food ain't the boss of me.
Today, about 10 weeks after that doctor visit, and about 7 weeks after I started a strict diet and excersize, I am now 30 pounds lighter. I weighed in this morning at 222.5 pounds. I have been that weight now for about two weeks; my first plateau, it seems.
How did I do it? Simple. Eat right and work out regularly.
Seriously.
OK, I'll explain it a little further. "Eating right" means cutting out the crap. Stop snacking on crap, stop drinking crap, stop picking crap up from the fast food restaurants. Cut the Crap. No more sugary snacks, no more non-diet sodas, no more desserts. I didn't need it anyway, no matter how much i wanted it. But enough about what NOT to eat. Everybody knows what NOT to eat. The question is, "what the heck is GOOD to eat?"
That is where it got a little tricky. The latest fad in dieting is the Atkin's low-carbohydrate diet. That all makes sense because it eliminates the foods that turn into simple sugars in the body and forces the body to work harder to process the food it takes in. There were two problems with that: no one, not even body-builders, needs that much protein, and since I am "high-cholesterol" I cannot live on animal products alone (meats, dairy, eggs, etc.). The Atkin's diet is a high-cholesterol nightmare. A single egg has more cholesterol in it than I should eat in one entire day. If I had cheese and sausage on that croissant along with that egg, I'd be killing myself even faster.
So where do you turn? Again, it's simple, and we learned it in grade school. Remember the "food pyramid"? Yep, that's it. You are supposed to have only a little bit of what was on the top of the pyramid and a whole lot of what was on the bottom. Guess what is up at the top of the pyramid: fats, meats, dairy, etc. And what's at the bottom? Whole grains, breads and other carbs. Surprised? I was.
There are three things that makes it work:

1. What is in between the fats at the top of the pyramid and the grains at the bottom are the Fruits and Vegetables. Those are the things that your diet should really be made of.
2. Portion size is extremely important. The correct portion size for your meat serving is the size of a deck of cards. Know how many Porterhouse Steaks are that size? None of them are. After a while you get used to eating smaller portions. At a restaurant, get into the habit of boxing up half your meal immediately instead of at the end.
3. The biggest thing is exercise. None of this works unless you are exercizing every day.

You have to do it, it doesn't take long, but you do it because it feels good after you are done. Before I start running in the neighborhood I dread it. I make excuses for myself on why I can't go out this morning (rainy, cold, my joints ache, I was up late, I have to go to work), but I go anyway. Don't let the excuses get in the way, I tell myself. Once I am back, no matter how tired I am, no matter how much my joints really do hurt, it still feels good.

Thirty pounds later I am happier for starting. I can see my shoelaces again. I can pick up my kids toys off the floor. I see my chin again (although I hide it behind a huge Van Dyke in the winter). And I am not done yet. I want to break the 200 barrier. I entered college at 180 and if I can get below 200 I would feel like I did when i finished college. I was a good size back then. Maybe then I will change my photo on the blog.