Breakdown!

On our way to Hilton Head Island for our annual family week at my Wonderful Wife's parent's timeshare, we drove the 350 mile treck in a two-car caravan. Through Macon and across the east Georgia barrens we drove with regular stops to rest and feed the kids. Along the way we passed a town called Metter, a town that boasted on a roadside billboard that "Metter is better." I'll take their word for it.
Leaving Georgia, we stopped for a bio-break (food, fuel, restroom) at a gas station off of I-95 just outside of Savannah in a little town called Pooler. Our two-car caravan stopped and all of us piled out of the car to stretch our legs.
Once a pump opened up, I hopped back in the car to move it to get gassed up. Trying to restart the car proved that the battery was dead. We had already made it 300 miles, but the battery just decided that it wouldn't go any further. My father-in-law provided a jump-start from his car and the two of us made our way to the local Advance Auto Parts.
We really picked a great exit to stop off at; this Advance really was "ready in advance". (Metter might be better, but Pooler is definitely cooler) They had one battery left that fit our car but the tech thought it would be a good idea to test out the existing battery just in case. He wheeled out the oldest looking device and dragged it to our car engine. As he hooked positive sensor to positive post and negative to negative I checked out all the lights and sensors on his testing gizmo.
Sixty seconds pass as numbers scroll by on the display, lights flashing in no particular order on the grey box. With a single buzz, the message "Battery Bad" appears on the screen. That's it. No other information. I guess that we'll have to take their word for it. I kinda expected something more, almost like a printout that you would get from an emission check.
Five minutes later we had a new battery and we were back on the road. All is good in Pooler.