Nobody Tells Me Anything

Red sox dad makes his kid cry for liking the Yankees

2011-04-08T00:28:00.000-04:00

"But I don't like the Yankees!" Poor kid. But if the shoe was on the other foot, ...hmmm what would I say to my boy if he liked the Sox? Probably about the same.

News from Southbury Moms

2009-05-30T07:09:00.002-04:00

My best friend of 32 years started a new blog in the same vein of "Nobody Tells Me Anything" where a few of us former Southbury residents will be able to post news that we hear from our best sources of info: our moms.
Are you from Southbury, and you've moved away and are missing out on all the juicy details? Or are you from a similar small town and have moved away, out of earshot from the local news? Stop by and have a gander. I'm sure you'll find it interesting, if not informative.

http://newsfromsouthburymoms.wordpress.com/

Still, Nobody Tells Me Anything

2009-05-27T15:37:00.000-04:00

I created this blog a few years ago to keep my family up on the happenings in my growing household. I had recently married, and we were having kids, and since my family were still living up in the North, it made sense.
But I didn't know what to call it.
Then I heard the news about my Grandmother kicking her second husband out, and *ding* there it was. The rest was history.
There have been other times that have come up since then giving me the opportunity to grouse about my lack of news from my Northern relatives. Usually it's about people getting married, having babies, or the health of my Grandmother. I deal with it pretty well, i think.

I just heard in an email from my friend that my Dad has cancer.

Okay, that's a little dramatic. He has a "melanoma" on his skin, his forehead I think, and he's seeking treatment for it this week.

Here's the email from my friend:

um, you did know this, right?

On Wed, May 27, 2009 at 9:26 AM,
Jeremy K <myfriend'semail @
gmail.com>
wrote:
> Dude, sorry to hear about your dad. I hope everything goes well with
> the surgeon. Melanoma is serious business ... hope they get the sucker
> out before it gets too deep. We'll definitely keep him in our
> thoughts.
>
> Jeremy

When I first read it, i actually thought he was talking about his father. My heart dropped, my stomach lurched, i pictured myself on a flight to meet him in CT soon... all kinds of unhappy images. I sent him a quick reply back, asking for details and clarification.

I couldn't wait for a response and just called him on his cell phone, something I rarely do. Turns out he heard from his Mom that she saw my Dad over the weekend and he has a melanoma on his forehead and he's going to see a surgeon for it.

("Uh, Hello, Brain? Yes, this is Chest. Mm-hmm, it seems that we have lost contact with Head. Yep, the Jaw has gone slack and has dropped against our upper sternum area. No, no damage to report, but I can't contact Head to reel it back in. Right, totally unresponsive.")

My Dad? Holy crap. It crossed my mind that this was a joke of some kind, but that quickly got squashed because that's not really funny. Maybe it was a misunderstanding. Yeah, it's probably not as serious as he's making it out to be.

I walked out of my office and called my Mom on the phone. I can't explain why I didn't just call my Dad. In fact, I still haven't. I think I'm too nervous. So I get her on the phone and immediately launch into, "So what's this I hear about Dad and Cancer?" She says it's nothing big, no need to worry. He's going to see a surgeon on Friday to take care of it. "Okay. All right," I ask, "So, he just goes in and he snips off the bad part and he's all set?" "Well," she says, "It's a little more than that."

Aw jeez.

Angry about how things are turning out?

2009-05-27T14:59:00.001-04:00

Okay, okay, i know it's spam, but i got this in the mail the other day, and got a kick out of how angry it was. Take a read.

To the youth of
America,

Thank you for turning out to vote in your first Presidential Election. I
am sure that many of you have never followed or been interested in politics
before and chose this occasion to be your first experience. You probably
voted against your parents thinking that your youth made you more aware of the
new global environment than their years of experience in
life.

Thank you for protecting the illegal combatants who are detained in Guantanamo
Bay. Ensuring their Constitutional Rights IS more important than your
right to live. Even though they waged a war against innocent unsuspecting
civilians in the United States, they themselves have been mistreated. The
inhumane torture that they were subjected to of being gently suspended on a
blanket while having small amounts of water poured on their heads is far worse
than crashing planes in to buildings in urban highly populated
areas.

Thank you for giving Congress a Democratic Majority. Now they are free to
pass legislation increasing the National Deficit by far more than it has ever
been after they campaigned on a balanced budget and reducing the deficit.
Nancy Pelosi is now free from any charges of purgery from only being informed
about CIA interrogation practices rather than being briefed on them. Now
we can move forward with prosecuting the former administration for keeping the
Country safe from Man Caused Destruction by means of the Over-seas Contingency
Operation. It is more important that Bush lied about the foreign
intelligence that we received to get us involved for a war for oil than the
Democrats telling any partial untruths about Our military harassing and
murdering innocent
civilians.

Thank you for helping keep our boarders open. For too long illegal
immigrants have tried to dangerously cross our boarders and exist in our country
without following the legal path to citizenship. Now all of those people
can live without fear of being sent back to their country of origin and receive
government assistance in the form of healthcare, childhood education, and food
stamps to which they do not
contribute.

Thank you for helping to reduce Carbon Dioxide levels. We should not be
responsible for providing a resource to plants for their existence. The
earth has never regulated itself in the past from occurrences like volcanic
explosions until government came along to test the air quality. Maybe now
we can find a way to tax the production of oxygen from the carbon offset
farms.

Thank you for expanding healthcare. Now non-citizens have expanded
healthcare coverage available to them at no cost. I suppose in this ever
shrinking job market you all have already found steady employment to pay for the
services that they are receiving. Businesses like hospitals should not be
in the practice of making enough money to cover both their operating expenses
and payroll when we have big government to decide who will receive healthcare,
when, and to what
extent.

Maybe now that all of the world's problems have been resolved we can focus on
education. It is clear that in this country that we need reform. We
not only need to be more competitive in the areas of math and science with the
rest of the world, but it is now clear that we need reform in American History
class as
well.

It is apparent with sites such as http://www.moveon.org, http://www.codepink4peace.org, and http://www.communalprosperity.net
that radical liberalism has moved mainstream. Politicians such as Janet
Napolitano have redefined radicals as people who believe in the Constitution and
religion. No longer are people in the radical movement confined to the
outskirts of society like they were in the 1960s. We now can be weary of
our veterans and people who want limited Federal Government
intervention.

Thank you for believing in Change,

Jason
Sanborn
From the soon to be former State of Texas

Yankees going to trade with the Nats?

2009-01-11T20:41:00.003-05:00

MLB.com is reporting that the Nationals are in trade discussions with the Yankees in hopes of acquiring outfielder Xavier Nady and first baseman Nick Swisher. Who would the Yanks get in return?

Let's take a look at the Yankee's needs:

Well, obviously, if they ship both of their right fielders to the Nats, they need to fill that slot.

They have Damon and Matsui for left field, and Melky for Center (plus newbie Brett Gardner, who could be a star).

ARod and Tex at the corners, with Jeter and Cano up the middle.

Posada and Molina at Catcher. (Here is an obvious need -- look towards the future or upgrade this backup)

Sabathia, Burnett, Wang, Joba and Hughes/Kennedy for the starting rotation.

Rivera, Marte, Bruney and Albaladejo in the bullpen.

I would assume they would be looking to shore up the bullpen in response to Saito going to the Red Sox, or looking for depth at catcher, right field or Starting pitcher.

And now a look at the Nationals' roster:

In right field they have Dukes and Kearns. Either would be decent, but I don't know I'd give up Swisher for either.

As their backstop, they have Flores, Nieves and Montz. Flores is a 2008 rookie who shows promise, hitting .256 with 8 home runs in 90 games. I'm still looking bigger. Josh Willingham is playing left field for the Nats -- I wonder if he would consider going back behind the plate?

Tyler Clippard is in the Nationals bullpen -- could they be trying to get the Yankee Clippard back? And the Nats have some interesting possibilities in their rotation, including Bergmann, Lannan and Olsen.

I have a feeling that this might be a package deal, but I don't see what the Nats want with more outfielders. Adding Swisher and Nady just doesn't seem to be a great move for the Nats.

Smoltz is a Red Sox pitcher now?? Aw crap.

2009-01-08T22:57:00.004-05:00

For crying out loud.

I'm obviously a Yankee fan. I've been a Yankee fan for as long as I have known about baseball. My little league team was named the Yankees, I worshipped Don Mattingly, and I collected all the baseball cards I could. I read every box score in every newspaper I could for summer after summer when I was younger.

I've been a Braves fan, somewhat reluctantly, since I've moved to the Deep South. I justify it by pointing out that while the Braves are a National league team, my allegiance to the American League's New York franchise is not sullied at all. Besides, I always root for the AL during the All Star Game.

So, for eight years I have been rooting for John Smoltz. I have a John Smoltz figure in my office and another in Little Bubba's bedroom. I've programmed my son to respond "John Smoltz" to the question, "Who was the first president of the United States?" (it wasn't intentional, and it's a story for another day). I enjoyed him as a starting pitcher and i thought he was lights out as a closer. I was at his record breaking 15-strikeouts-in-a-game on April 10, 2005, versus the New York Mets.

And now he will be a starting pitcher for the Red Sox. Sorry John, but i'm rooting against you now.

Yes, Yes, I'm moving! Sorta.

2009-01-08T22:02:00.003-05:00

I may have mentioned on my Facebook page that I am packing up my house. I didn't explain it anymore than that. Perhaps I should have.

Here are some of the comments:

"Where you moving to? Come join me out in San Francisco!"
"?"
"Yea, where are Ack Estates going to be located?"
"Denver is ready for you."
"Hey ramblin boy why don't you settle down. Denver ain't your kind of town."
"Talked to your wife! Soooo glad you guys aren't moving to Denver. I was worried!"
"Jennifer, can you fill me in on the status of Chateau Ack? Or anybody?!?!?!"
"Yes, the goateed one has been very quiet the last few days on this"
"I think Matt wants to leave you all in suspense. I won't take away his fun!"
"Matt -- just talked to your wife -- good luck in your move to Kiev, Ukraine! What a bold an exciting move. I hear it's nice this time of year!"
"We're moving?" (that one was my wife)
"Where does one get a box big enough to pack a house into?"

Okay, so here's the news. We are clearing out the house in hopes that we can get it in a sellable condition. We are also going to be spending a lot of time with my Mother-In-Law as she recovers from her knee surgery. I'm hoping that we can sell the house quickly, camp at the MIL's house for a while (she has an expansive basement, almost an entire ranch house), and save up a whopper of a down payment.

We haven't started looking for a house. We haven't moved anywhere. We aren't going anywhere yet. Yet. And I'll try not to ask you to help move my stuff when that day comes.

The DeAnna Twist

2009-01-06T23:02:00.009-05:00

No, it's not a new dance.

It's all about the teaser trailer at the end of the first episode of the 2009 season of The Bachelor. It looks like our leading male, Jason Mesnick, has some tough choices to make. Among them could be whether or not to take former Bachelorette star DeAnna Pappas back!

Well, at least that is what they lead us to believe. It looks that Jason has some

stressful decisions coming up, and that the girls don't make it easy on him. While I think that it would make for some interesting TV to bring her back, especially if she had ditched Jesse Csincsak in order to get Jason back. We can only hope -- what drama!

DeAnna mentions that her relationship is over with Jesse on her myspace page, but there is no update as of this writing on her blog.

My wife has also written up her prediction list for this year. She has chosen a few of the girls who she thinks will make it into the later rounds. Among them are Melissa, Molly and Raquel. Who are your favorites?

Reality TV hasn't changed much

2009-01-06T22:03:00.002-05:00

I am not a huge fan of Reality TV in general. Recently I enjoyed Wipeout, until it went off the air. My son loved it too, especially the punching wall. This week I have started watching two new reality programs, and I've noticed some shocking similarities. Basically, there isn't much different between The Bachelor and Rock of Love Bus.

Let's go over the similarities --

Both shows try to find the leading male character a love interest from a large pool of women.
The women generally "compete" for the attention of the leading male.
There is an elimination ceremony where the leading male chooses who he wants to keep around, and who he wants to let go.
There are lots of scenes where the women are in candid scenarios, talking with each other, plotting against each other. You really get to learn about the girls this way.
There are times where the leading male gives commentary about what was happening in the particular episode.
The season culminates in a final episode where the leading male chooses his leading lady.

Here are some of the similarities that you probably didn't realize --

There are heaps of unusually good-looking women with a few duds sprinkled into each group.
They all like to wear some form of cleavage-revealing attire, albeit they come off more often in the presence of Bret Michaels.
The women can be catty, in ways that make reality TV worth watching, but can't be anywhere near real.
There is always one "spiritual" or "cosmic" girl in the running. She is usually getting jokes made about her by the other girls.
There is at least one crazy girl, a girl who doesn't quite have a grip on how things are going, what she wants to be someday, where she is right now...
Most girls refer to "fate" or "destiny", and how they are "ready to fall in love".
Many of the girls have an inordinate amount of "backstory" on the leading male, which makes them think that they have a lot of similar qualities to the leading male. This also gives them the opinion that they have some advantage over the other girls.
There is usually some drinking episodes and at least one girl needs to excuse herself to release some of that extra booze they consumed into a nearby toilet. Ok, maybe not so much in The Bachelor. At least they don't show it.

I'm sure there are other similarities. I just watch 'em because they have the funniest drama. Cat fights rock!

The best of You Tube, with Caitlin Upton!

2009-01-04T13:26:00.007-05:00

Miss Teen USA 2007 contestant, Caitlin Upton, representing South Carolina had an interesting response to her question. I'm sure you have already seen this, but in case you haven't, it's a hoot.

Here is the link to the transcript -- it helps to have this available to understand what she said.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caitlin_Upton
I thought she tried to sneak an "Osama" in there, but it's just a "some" with flair.

Pre-Season Rankings

2009-01-04T11:19:00.001-05:00

By the way, I'm always looking for reliable pre-season fantasy baseball rankings. If you have a good source, let me know. I'd even settle for decent 2008 end-of-season rankings with a list of the probable rookies for 2009.

It's almost baseball time again!

2009-01-04T09:10:00.002-05:00

Ok, so it's just January. Opening Day hasn't come. Spring Training hasn't started. Pitchers and Catchers haven't even reported.

None of that matters. Baseball is in the air.

Christmas came early last month for my New York Yankees when they acquired Mark Teixeria to replace Jason Giambi at first base. They had already scored the pitching services of CC. Sabathia and A.J. Burnett, adding to an already stacked pitching staff. They may still acquire Andy Pettitte for another year. Of course the cherry on top would be nailing down Manny Ramirez as well, but it's unlikely that the Yankees will continue to spend at this current rate.

The Yankees are heading to Atlanta for the first time in over six years this summer, and I am anxiously anticipating my opportunity to purchase tickets to each game of the series. Yes, that's right, I'LL GO TO EVERY GAME IF I CAN. If you are within the sound of my blog, and you have tickets, invite me. I'll go. Unless someone already invited me. Which isn't likely, so invite me anyway no matter what you think.

The problem with getting Yankees-Braves tickets, is that you can't. You can't just buy them. Oh no no no no... you have to register to win the chance to buy them. Or I can get season tickets and purchase them at my leisure, but I don't have the money to spend on season tickets nor the wife who would let me go to 20+ games in a season. (She let me do that one summer, and that was enough for her)

I enjoyed my Braves season tickets while I had them, but it really is hard to get to the stadium that often. And it's expensive! Jeez, a dog and a Coke will crack you over the head for 10 bucks at least, and I'm not usually drinkin' Coke! I like to get to Turner Field as often as possible, but it still only works out to about 4-5 times a year.

I added a few stadiums to my list last summer: Camden Yard, Angel Stadium in Anaheim, and the park where the Myrtle Beach Pelicans play (BB&T Coastal Field). I'm hoping to add a few this year, but we'll see where I can get to. I'll be in Boston in May, but the Sox will be playing away games. Maybe I can visit my buddy Jeremy in St. Louis for the All Star game!

I always know when it is about time to start thinking about baseball when my email box fills up with league invites and roster notifications. The one league i plan on focusing on is actually Jeremy's Friend and Family league. It is fairly high competition, and good to keep my baseball senses sharp. Jer's dad, Walt, emailed me my end of season roster from 2008. I get to pick six keepers from the following list to start off 2009:

Chone Figgins
Kosuke Fukudome
Vladmir Guerrero
Brad Hawpe
Ryan Howard
Evan Longoria
Ryan Ludwick
Dioner Navarro
Jose Reyes
Willy Taveras
Joa Chamberlain
Ryan Dempster
Brian Fuentes
Trevor Hoffman
Jair Jurrjens
Gil Meche
Mike Mussina
Roy Oswalt
Joakim Soria

It's a great list, but a tough one to pick only six keepers from. I can eliminate Mussina (retired) off the bat, and I don't keep closers as a rule so you can eliminate Soria, Hoffman and Fuentes. Fuentes is so good, though, I might reconsider that. Others like Navarro, Ludwick, Taveras, Meche... they don't even get a second glance. But I have a bunch who are rock solid. Maybe I can work out a trade.

More to come... thank goodness for baseball.

Lars and the Real Girl

2009-01-03T23:17:00.003-05:00

It was my Wonderful Wife's turn to pick out the movie. She decided on "Lars and the Real Girl." I can't explain exactly why, except that she was trying to pick out something lighter and funnier than our last pick, "Burn After Reading." And I was waiting in the car with my daughter, so she claims she felt rushed into making a quick choice.

I was a little surprised when she climbed into the car with this one. I thought, wow, my wife picked out a movie where one of the lead actors (and characters) is a sex doll. I kept it out of sight from my daughter.

One hundred and five minutes after the movie began, and the credits rolled, my Wonderful Wife turned to me and said, "That was a lot more dull than I expected."

"Oh, no," I said. "I knew it was going to be that dull."

"No," she replied, "I said doll."

Yep, it was a lot more doll than I expected too.

Spoiler alert. Quit reading now if you were planning on watching this movie with wonder and awe.

Okay, it was kinda cute and heartwarming at the end. The way the town accepts the doll as a part of the community is awkward and funny and amazing -- right up to how she was "elected to the school board." Very creative. It doesn't make up for how strange the entire idea is, and how awkwardly uncomfortable it feels. Beyond that, I can't quite imagine a town small enough and so closely knit that they would all agree to go along with this one single person's delusion.

I have a difficult time recommending this movie to anyone for a few reasons. Mainly, it takes a lot of guts to look into your loved ones eyes and say, "I want to watch a movie about a sex doll" without laughing. And frankly I don't recommend ever doing that. My wife didn't, she just rented it without asking.

Additionally, it also takes a huge leap of faith to allow yourself to commit the time to watch this movie about this mentally ill person's delusion when you thought that this movie was going to be funny.

The acting in it was very good -- I have high praise for Ryan Gosling, who was able to sell the delusion well enough that you can easily see and understand how he affects everyone around him. The actress, unnamed, who plays his girlfriend Bianca, was also good, although she didn't have a speaking part.

I really don't know what else to say about this movie. I liked it well enough not to trash it, but I'm not happy about it.

It's my turn to pick out the next movie.

Burn After Reading, a Coen Brothers film

2009-01-01T22:35:00.002-05:00

My Wonderful Wife and I rented a move in lieu of any hardcore partying so that we could keep our sick kid home with us and keep an eye on her. I rented Burn After Reading, mostly on my hopes that this would be another stellar Coen Brothers film.

The first Coen Brothers film I ever saw, Raising Arizona, is one of my wife's favorite movies. Back when I saw it, I didn't quite get it. There were some funny parts, but overall it just didn't hit me right. But my wife loves it, so I figure that I can't go wrong with that. She and I also saw O Brother, Where Art Thou together shortly after we started dating, and saw Intolerable Cruelty together a few years later. We really liked both, so I figured that in the small world of movies that we can both watch and enjoy, I have a good chance to hit with this one.

My friend, Howie, asked me what I thought of the movie. I couldn't tell him I loved it. I did tell him that I liked it a lot, but not for any obvious reason.

Frankly, I thought that the movie was genius. It was supposed to be a comedy, I had thought. It was such a dark, black comedy, that there wasn't a lot of actual comedy there. In fact, in the way a classic Greek comedy would end, with a marriage or a generally happy ending, this movie missed entirely. Ironically, as far as Greek comedies and marriage goes, this movie ends with at least two divorces and a few other broken relationships.

There were fantastic characters in this film. There was no single "main" character, and throughout the film you aren't entirely sure which character's story you should be following more closely. What struck me as especially strange, was that none of the characters were at all likable. Even the ones that were well intentioned in some way, had some sort of flaw that made them unappealing. I watched the entire film not really rooting for any one character to succeed over any other.

And when it was over, it was over. Credits rolled, and music played. But I didn't have that "the story is over" feeling at all until i talked about it for a few minutes with the WW afterwards. In fact, I think we half-laughed at some memorable movie quotes while the credits rolled just to make it feel like it was funnier than it actually was.

I think i would recommend it to others, but not to anyone who does not have the time or the patience for an unusual, indirect sort of comedy such as this. It was overall an entertaining movie with great acting and characters, but it left me feeling a little empty at the end.

Which reminds me... funny YouTube videos

2009-01-01T22:15:00.004-05:00

I found a funny YouTube video capturing a newly hired sportcaster mangling his newscast and I shared it with my family. My sisters thought it was a hoot, my Wonderful Wife questioned my sense of humor (again, ha!), but the best part is that my kids walk around the house quoting the tagline, "Boom goes the dynamite". It is all worth it.

Which reminds me, I have posted a few of our own videos on YouTube. Some I've shared on the blog before, but you can find them all here: http://www.youtube.com/ilovetheschwartz

I love Microsoft Parodies

2009-01-01T22:07:00.003-05:00

I love any parody of Microsoft. I can't help it, but the mega-giant of computer software deserves a few jabs now and then. I relish every one. Maybe it's because I have been a slave to Microsoft products at the job I have been working for the past 9 years. Maybe it's because I felt alienated by Windows 95 when I first saw it, almost the same way I feel out-of-sorts when I look at Vista. (I'm a Mac kid anyway).

I recently found a website that cracks me up, not because of how directly funny it is, but because of how it speaks to ME. Sarcastic Gamer has a way of making me laugh, mostly by its video parody of recent Microsoft products. They are very smart, while being very silly.

Check out my recent favorite.

Other websites I'm working on

2009-01-01T21:01:00.002-05:00

I am certainly no web guru. I can barely hold my own, but I know enough to make a few basic things happen.

I am working on a few different sites, and you are welcome to see the ones that are up and running.

www.cobbsingers.com is a website designed for a local community chorus that I helped establish. The site is currently in its V2.0 state, and is a real basic website I created with the help of my macbook.

Another site I am working on is www.sandieschwartz.blogspot.com -- a site for my Mother-In-Law that will have some updates soon.

Lastly, I am helping a friend launch his brand of barbecue sauce, an excellent condiment named Natty Patty's Bar-B-Q sauce. As soon as this launches, I'll let you know. I'm pretty stoked about this one because it will include a paypal order form for his sauce -- it's the first time I've done anything like that.

Small tweaks and changes

2009-01-01T17:53:00.003-05:00

I realize that it doesn't substitute for a new post, but I have been adding and editing some of the elements in this blog. Hopefully I will quit tweaking it soon and get back to the writing.

I have found some old stories and college newspaper articles that I wrote a long time ago. I am going to get them up here some how soon. I'm not sure how great they are, but it is an interesting look at how I was writing with a blog-voice over 15 years ago.

Happy New Year, by the way. Got an interesting resolutions?

The curse lives on.

2008-12-31T22:06:00.002-05:00

At five o'clock tonight, my Wonderful Wife noticed that my daughter's fever was not going away with Tylenol. We had figured that it was just a plain old ear infection, just like she always gets, so running her to the walk-in clinic for a prescription will be the best thing to do.

Three hours, one copay, and a Strep test later, we find out there is no ear infection, but rather a case of Strep. Awesome. She can no longer be sent off to Grandma's for the night, and that ends the plans.

I've convinced my WW that this is not a stretch of bad luck, but rather a curse. We will have to see what happens next year.

Now, if I can stop being Mr. Matthew Moperson, and quit being such a mope, my wonderful wife might be able to tolerate me better. The kid is finally in bed, I've rented a movie to watch (Burn After Reading), and at least I have the love and company of a beautiful woman.

I'll be fine tomorrow.

Sandie's new website!

2008-12-31T00:19:00.004-05:00

I just launched a new blog for my MIL. She is about to have double knee surgery, and her recovery will be a long tough road.

http://sandieschwartz.blogspot.com

She'll need your prayers to make it through her surgeries -- drop in and leave her a positive message. She will really appreciate it, and so will I.

Kids + New Years = No More Partying

2008-12-30T22:20:00.002-05:00

We had a good run, didn't we?

There were so many awesome New Years parties, weren't there? Yep, there sure were. But we are in a lean time here... the recent New Years have not been up to par with the parties of the past. And I'm not sure how this year will go yet.

Let me count 'em down for you, as best as I can remember. As long as ten years ago, the parties were awesome.

Celebrating the coming of 1999 and 2000, I spent New Years at my friend, Mike Walsh's, family restaurant -- Duffy's Tavern in West Haven, Connecticut. The night began with a full dinner and the party would go from zero to sixty quickly from there, with full restaurant sing-a-longs and a full open bar. Nice and full. The restaurant was closed to the public those nights, so we had the place to ourselves, just me, Mike, his wife, and his fifty closest friends. Good times.
In celebration of 2001, I returned to Duffy's Tavern, but this time with my future Wonderful Wife. I had flown her into town just in time for the party, and just in time to ride shotgun with me and everything I owned on the way to my new residence in the Deep South. I remember exactly what she wore that night: a black catsuit that would slap the eyes out of your head. I was stunned by her beauty, and I'll never forget how she looked that night no matter how hard the drinking throughout the rest of the night tried to erase it.
With the coming of 2002, I celebrated with my Future Wonderful Wife and her entire dance team in New Orleans. She had gotten a gig to dance for a corporate party and we were all flown in for the show. I made friends with a bunch of people I would never see again, but still had a great trip, and an interesting New Years.
To ring in 2003, my FWW and I, along with roommates Howie and Darryl, threw the party to establish all other parties. Holy moly. I think we crammed 50 people into our apartment and I spent the night playing bartender to a thirsty crowd. People still talk about the Chocolate Martinis that were shaken that night.
The following year, we met good friends of ours at a local watering hole, only to find out at 10:30 PM that they were closing at 11:00 PM (were they serious?). So we invited those few people over to our new house to watch Dick Clark count down to 2004. Disaster averted.
In honor of 2005, a friend of ours hosted a party of their closest friends where I attempted to reprise my role as bartender. It was a lot of fun, however I learned the hard way that the bartender should not taste everyone's drink to "make sure it tastes okay."
My WW and I decided that it would be best to ring in the new year 2006 at home with our 29 day old child. And so it was that we napped until 11:30 PM, and woke up in time to feed the kid and watch the ball drop.
We decided to try to recreate some of the party magic that happened back in 2003 to bring in 2007. After a run to the walk-in clinic to diagnose our kid's ear and sinus infections, we dropped the kids off at the In-Laws and got the party started. It was a lot of fun, but nowhere near the hootenanny that happened a few years earlier. The party was somewhat dampened by the downpour that was happening outside, but the atmosphere was warm inside and our friend all had a great time.
On the eve of 2008, we brought our kids back to the walk-in clinic for what seemed to be our annual New Years Eve ritual visit and diagnosis. This time, however, they were too sick to leave with the In-Laws. We dropped them off long enough for WW and I to have a quiet dinner at a local sushi/thai fusion restaurant, and then took them home for an early bedtime. I remember watching A-Rod on Dick Clark's TV program thinking, "he is working hard to get his contract". That was one of the highlights of the evening, I'm afraid. (Anything Yankees related on TV is notable to me now that I'm in Braves country.)

And here we are! Ready to ring in 2009. We took the kids to our annual walk-in clinic visit early this year and they are over the worst of their ailments. I don't want to jinx it, but we might actually be able to have ourselves a party night! Here's the catch -- one of us has to drive!

Of course, you might say. Isn't that the way it always is? Sure, for you, maybe. But for me, at all of the recent 10 years worth of partying, I had a ride or I was staying where I was partying. This year poses a different challenge. We aren't planning on getting a ride, and we aren't staying where we might be going.

So I am volunteering to stay sober.

(pausing for that to sink in)

(Deep Breath)

Yep. No drinky.

Ok, maybe a beer early in the night and a toast at midnight, but other than that, nada. I have done it before -- I stock up on energy drinks and get my high from the caffeine rush. I can play bartender, and that is fun for me and everyone else I concoct my drinks for. It's just as much fun as getting my drink on, up to a certain point. Once people start getting sloppy, it's no longer fun. Mostly because they aren't funny anymore, just sloppy. And then I feel like I have to take care of them, and that's no fun either. When you drink, you are pressing the "no responsibility" selection on the menu. When you don't, you are choosing the "i'll take care of your drunk ass" button.

At least the kids will be at the In Laws.

There's something in there...

2008-12-30T20:01:00.000-05:00

There is something in our dehumidifier, and i'm too chicken to see what it is.

My Wonderful Wife noticed a strange clicking/scratching noise coming from the dehumidifier. The water catch basin is connected by a hose to a pipe leading outside of the house. I'm not sure if there is any kind of screen on the end of the pipe, which would prevent entry into the pipe and hose.

Anyway, the noise showed up today, and she wanted me to see what I thought. I listened, didn't hear anything, and dismissed it. When she came down to listen again, there it was, just as she expected it.

Great. Now I can hear it.

I have chill bumps all over my body thinking about what could possibly be hiding in my dehumidifier.

I'm wearing a t-shirt and shorts with no shoes or socks. When I finally get up the nerve to open up the catch basin I'll have to outfit myself with long pants and boots, just in case. I'll probably also need my dead-blow mallet, too, to provide some good melee action. Maybe I'll also need a shovel to scoop up the dead carcass (*shiver) or to use in a defensive tennis move to ward off any jumping attackers.

I seriously need to quit the horror movies.

Actually, I haven't watched any in a while...

I seriously need to stop reading Stephen King books.

Seven Pounds

2008-12-29T21:29:00.002-05:00

I have been wondering what is up with the new Will Smith movie, Seven Pounds, since I saw the first trailer.

Which Will Smith will we get in this movie? The happy fun times one from Hitch? How about the ass-kicker from Independence Day or Bad Boys? Or is it the serious, heart-string-puller from Pursuit of Happyness? I don't know. Kinda looks sadder than that. This Will Smith looks almost morose, saddened by his very existence. What's up with that? I don't really favor this kind of Will Smith.

And what does the Seven Pounds refer to? I immediately thought of the Shakespearean comedy, The Merchant of Venice, and the pound of flesh that Shylock demands from Antonio. Or perhaps the pound of flesh John Doe demanded from one of his victims in the movie Se7en?

A web search produces a whole bunch of people wondering the same thing. What the heck is up with this movie. Not many answers.

Some think it might be a baby, some think it refers to the weight of the average human baby. Neither of those are correct, by the way. One magazine speculates that the movie is an elaborate way for Will Smith's character to atone for the deaths he caused in a drunk driving accident.

Hmmm. Happy times.

Any way you slice it, it is interesting, and i am intrigued.

Fun search results

2008-12-29T10:06:00.000-05:00

I love it when the oddest search results end up leading people to my blog. Here are some of the latest:

"dibble dibble dop"
"gooped on gop"
"zombie eats children"
"madface jesus"
"special words for a wonderful daughter" (aw, ain't that sweet)
"want free music of irish wedding song may god bless this cople" (yes, with the misspelling)
"Dipa Balakrishnan" and "Deepa Balakrishnan" (huh?)

and there are a tragic number of death related ones that lead to my article about Pete Kamide. I don't think that this is my version of Stephen King's "Rage" (which he later took out of print because of all the shootings he thought it contributed to). But i think it is a little disturbing.

"died pomperaug high school"
"i with my gym teacher died"
"pete kamide teacher"

I am surprised at how many hits I get from people interested in Pete.

The Bedtime Story

2008-12-28T22:40:00.005-05:00

Bedtimes ain't easy.
We have our rituals: bath time, naked time (this will be covered in a future post), pajama time, brush teeth and cup o'water time, and reading time. But the whole going-to-sleep-as-soon-as-possible-so-my-parents-don't-explode time ritual isn't quite worked out. For the past few months, in order to get the kids to sleep we would have to lay down with them in their big beds, and wait patiently for them to fall asleep or for them to dismiss us to our parental chores. The latter was rare.
I discovered a minor miracle -- telling a new and completely made up story to each kid in their dark room fills their minds and encourages them to nod off much easily than in the past. The bonus is that we don't have to lay down with them, and are free to do more fun stuff (like do the dishes, or put away the chaos of toys in the living room) much earlier.
My first story is called "The Magic Book". I made it up from scratch one night on a whim, and i have told it to them on most nights since then It starts out the same, has some similar elements in each telling, and ends in the same predictable way that lets them know it's time to sleep. Here's how it goes:

"The Magic Book", by Matthew Ackerman
(variations to be published later..., all copyrights are implied and enforced!)

There once was a small boy who, when he got home from school one day, he decided to visit his Grandpa. So he got on his bike and went on his way.
He rode, and he rode and he rode.
He rode, and he rode, and he rode some more.
He rode past the General Store.
He rode past the Supermarket.
He rode past the Library.
He rode past the Town Hall.
Eventually, he got to his Grandpa's house.
He rode his bike up the driveway, pitched it into the front yard, ran up the front steps and knocked on the front door.
*knock*knock*knock*
"WHO IS IT?" boomed his Grandpa.
"It's me, Grandpa," said the boy.
"Oh, well now, come on in, son" said his Grandpa. "Come right on in. Can I get you a cold glass of Iced Tea?"
"Yeah, Grandpa. That would be great."
"Well, then why don't you make yourself at home while I fix it for you." And off he went to the kitchen.
The boy headed to the sitting room, the big room with Grandpa's big chair. He walked over to the chair, the cushy chair with the straight back and the funny smell. That funny smell of Grandpa's. He looked up at all the books on all the bookshelves on the walls. There were so many books he couldn't even count them all.
There were brown ones.
There were blue ones.
There were red ones and green ones.
There were even a few black ones.
But there was one in particular that caught the boy's eye, a brown one just a little darker than the others on the bottom shelf. The boy walked over to look at it. He tried to pull it off the shelf but it was stuck. With two hands he gently tugged at the book and with a cloud of dust that tickled his nose, it came free.
The book was heavier than it looked. He lugged it over to his Grandpa's chair, sat up in it, pulled the book onto his outstretched legs and opened the book to the first page.
"The Magic Book," read the first page. Hmmph, thought the boy, this book doesn't seem so magical. I wonder what makes it so special. And he turned the page.
There were no words on this page. Just a picture.
It was a picture of a wide open field.
The field was marked by a stone wall on each side, and there were rows of trees on the edges of the field. The tall grass was green in the bright sunlight, and there was a thin dirt path that winded its way from the close edge of the field to the far end. At the far end of the field, on the path there seemed to be a little girl with a small dog. They were hard to see from this view, but they were there.
And was the dog's tail wagging? Actually wagging? Nah. Couldn't be. It's not like this was a movie; this was just a book.
And he turned the page.
On this page, there was a picture of the same field. Only this time, he was much closer to the field. He could see the grasses much clearer now, and could almost make out every blade of it. He could see the seeds on the tips. He could see some of the rocks on the close end of the dirt path. And he could see the girl and the dog better now too. They were closer now, a little further down the path.
And he could still see that dog's tail wag. Every so often it looked like his tail moved. The dog's tongue was hanging out of his mouth, too. Could he see the dog actually panting?
The boy turned the page.
Here was another picture of the field. In this view he was practically standing on the path too. He could almost feel the rough and bumpy dirt under his feet. He was very close to the girl and her dog now. He could see the details on her shirt, and the different colors of the dog's fur.
The boy could hear the footsteps of the girl and her dog coming closer. He could hear the dog panting, and he could see the tail wagging. He saw the girl smile at him.
The boy turned the page.
There was the dog, right up close, with its nose practically coming out of the book. And then, all at once, the dog poked his head up out of the book and planted a big dog lick on the boy's face.
This surprised the boy so much he jumped right in the chair. The book fell from his lap, onto the floor, the cover closing on it with a thud. *thud*
"Everything okay down there, boy?"
"Yes, Grandpa. Everything's fine."
"Okay. I'll be right down with your Iced Tea."
The boy slid off the chair, picked up the heavy book, and walked it back to it's place on the bookshelf. Just as he finished sliding the book back into place, his Grandpa came into the room.
"Here you are, son," Grandpa said, handing the boy his tea. "So what would you like to do this afternoon?"
The boy smiled. "Maybe we can sit and read for a while?"
"Sure thing. Sounds good to me."
And that's what they did. They sat together in the Grandpa chair, sipping Iced Tea and reading for the rest of the afternoon. It was a great day.

The End.

OK, so it lacks a little flourish at the end, but by this time, the kid is so tired it doesn't matter. What makes the telling of this story fun, is that I change parts of it every time so it is interesting and just engaging enough that it doesn't get stale.
I change the different stores that the boy rides past each telling.
I change the drink that the Grandpa makes once every 7 days or so, but it is otherwise always Iced Tea. This is fun, because my daughter always protests -- "it's supposed to be Iced Tea, Daddy!" "Oh is it?" I coyly ask.
I always change the contents of the book. What ends up in the pictures of the Magic Book is different each time I read it. And that way I don't have to spend a lot of time discovering a new story each night. The plot is always the same, the beginning and the ending I can recite, and by the time I get there, I usually have decided what's in the Magic Book. We are at the point now, in my family, where the kids tell me what's in the Magic Book before we even start the story. They pick it out and want to hear me describe it to them.
It puts them right out, however I tell it.

Grammar lesson: Bad usage

2008-12-27T11:55:00.000-05:00

I am a stickler for grammar. I hate it when i post something online and later notice that I made some error in spelling or usage. Ugh. It pains me.
My wife taught me about the correct usage of an apostrophe and a surname when I was copywriting for our Christmas cards. Better "The Smiths", than "The Smith's". http://www.wikihow.com/Use-Apostrophes

But when other people do it... Ah, now that's a different story.
I HATE the misuse of the homonyms "there, their and they're".
I ABHOR the switch of the indefinite possessive and plurals "its and it's".
I REJECT the incorrect spelling of "your and you're".

Occasionally I find it mildly entertaining. Anytime I get an announcement email from a sales person in my company, i comb it for errors. It's the sort of thing that passes the day, and bonds a few of us "QA-types" together. There are a few of us that race to get through it first, to see who finds the most errors. Good sport, I think.

I got an email today from a co-worker who fell for the old trick of "typing it like it sounds". Here is the sentence:

We've had some challenges with the security codes recently. One of the boards is going bad and it's reeking havoc for other depts as well.

Reeking havoc! Ha! Okay, for those of you playing at home, it should have been "wreaking havoc."

Send me some of your finds, would 'ya?

no more billandmo.com

2008-12-26T10:50:00.000-05:00

It's the end of an era I guess... but BillandMo.com has gone defunct. I'm not surprised, really, seeing how I let my blog go unloved for over a year.
(directed at my family:) I'm not sure if there are any other family blogs. Let me know if you know any.

Little Bubba is never bored.

2008-06-18T17:59:00.003-04:00

My kids are pretty active; lots of activities, lots of toys, crafts to make, shows to watch, music to play. They rarely are just wandering around the house with nothing to do.
Today, some of the neighbor girls were playing with the kids, having a good time at a nearby playground. The girls had used ink pens and written on their arms. Little Bubba couldn't help but notice.
He's not shy around other kids and asked what was on his mind, "Why did you write on your arm?"
"We were bored," replied the girls.
"What's 'bored'?" asks L.B.

Maybe he's just lacking a bit of vocabulary. Maybe he is just wunderkind.

Happy Holidays!!

2007-12-14T09:34:00.002-05:00

Enjoy.

Gift Idea Generator

2007-12-07T09:28:00.000-05:00

Not sure what to get your honey for the holidays? No problem! Check out the Gift Idea Generator and then hit the mall prepared!

The mad face

2007-12-06T22:45:00.000-05:00

Big Sis has the cutest mad face. Sometimes she hams it up a bit when I have the camera out. I used one of her recent mad faces on the Scrooge Yourself site. Here is the result. Enjoy!

Foreign Support

2007-11-26T16:56:00.000-05:00

How frustrating.

4:50:18 PM System
You are now being connected to an agent. Thank you for using Dell Chat
4:50:18 PM System
Connected with Deepa Balakrishnan
4:50:23 PM Deepa Balakrishnan
Thank you for contacting Dell Customer Service Chat. My name is Deepa. How may I help you?
4:50:28 PM matt
hiya
4:50:42 PM matt
i just placed an order for a ********
4:51:00 PM matt
and it tells me that it will not ship until February!
4:51:06 PM matt
is that a normal delay?
4:51:20 PM matt
over two months seems extreme.
4:51:23 PM Deepa Balakrishnan
I have not received a response in over a minute. please respond within the next two minutes to allow me to continue our chat.
4:51:31 PM matt
hello?
4:51:35 PM matt
Deepa?
4:51:40 PM matt
are you a bot?
4:53:21 PM matt
you posted your first message at 4:50:23 and i posted my first message at 4:50:28... looks like five seconds to me.
4:53:23 PM Deepa Balakrishnan
As there is no response within the last two minutes. I will be ending this chat session. If you need additional support, please contact us at www.support.dell.com. We will be more than happy to assist you.
4:53:23 PM System
Deepa Balakrishnan has left this session!
4:53:24 PM System
The session has ended!

Ugh. It's a shame, but I waited 15 minutes in a queue for this help.

Oh, Jesus!

2007-11-25T11:13:00.000-05:00

The Family celebrated Thanksgiving Day at Mo and Bill's house this year. It was a great day, and the kids had a lot of fun playing with all the cousins. Mo is an Episcopal priest, and her prayers before our meals are always a treat. There was so much food, and we all stuffed ourselves. Even the kids ate well for a change.
By the end of the night, it was pajama time. My Wonderful Wife carried one kid and I carried the other up to Paddy's room to change them for bedtime. Little Bubba was exhausted, so getting him into his PJs was fairly easy. Big Sis, on the other hand, was still riled up from all the holiday excitement. We finally got her head through her pajama top, but she struggled to push her hand through. "Oh, Jesus!" she stated plainly.
Well, in my head, there was nothing plain about it. I couldn't believe my ears. Where the heck did she hear that before? I can't imagine where she could have picked that up. And she was actually using it in context, too. I was shocked.
And then she pushed her hand through... and in her hand was Paddy's little Jesus action figure. It was like a little Buddy Christ. You couldn't imagine my relief.

I'm the Director

2007-11-25T11:09:00.001-05:00

I just got a pretty decent promotion at work -- I'm now the Director of Quality Assurance. It means I am basically a manager who manages other managers and their projects. Since becoming Director, I walk around the office shouting "CUT!" and "ACTION!", and at the end of the day I state, "That's a wrap!"
My Wonderful Wife is tiring of my "bossy" attitude.
Anyway, I try not to talk much about work on this site, so if you are interested in hearing more drop me a line!

Another Pitcher passes

2007-11-24T23:32:00.000-05:00

What's going on here?? Oakland starting pitcher Joe Kennedy collapsed and died late Thursday night at the age of 28. It's odd hearing about this after Cory Lidle died last year. I just find it shocking when young people pass, especially when it is seemingly for no "good reason".
Anyway, Joe Kennedy played for five teams over his short career, with a Win-Loss record of 43-61, an ERA of 4.79 and 558 strikeouts. I think he was always just short of great, and never played for contending teams that could have backed him up better, or provided better run support. We'll never know how great he could have been.

Back from Connecticut and the longest three hour trip ever.

2007-11-24T08:32:00.000-05:00

We had another fun trip to CT this past week, visiting family and spending the Thanksgiving holiday with the cousins. We packed Bill and Mo's place for the big event and I think the kids had a great time seeing everybody again.
In order to cut some travel costs, and to work around the usual horrible T-Day traffic, we decided to fly back to the Deep South early on Friday morning. The plan was sound, and it proved to be a good one: with kids in their sleepers and GrandDad driving, we made it to the airport in record time. The Westchester County Airport was barely buzzing with activity -- I think everyone else was at the Kohls or Best Buy. With lots of extra staff around obviously bracing for the holiday crowds, but without any lines at check-in or security, we were quickly loaded up onto the plane, ready for our 7 AM departures.
And that's when it all went, um..., south.
After an announced "short delay" to have the maintenance crew examine something that failed the pre-flight check, we were actually deplaned and sent to baggage claim to grab all of our luggage. Our flight had been cancelled. It's 8:30 AM now, and instead of being home before lunch, we were stuck in a small town in New York. While the Wonderful Wife worked over the Delta staff at the check-in counter, I exercised the kids by running them through the stanchion maze at security.
Eventually, it was determined that the best way for us to get home would be to wait in the airport for the 3 PM flight. Ugh. Somehow we'll have to occupy ourselves for six hours in this tiny airport.
Breakfast in the airport diner, naps on airport furniture and delivery pepperoni pie from a local pizza joint and we made it through the day. And Big Sis documented it all herself with our camera.

I like her perspective.

She's a fan, what can i say.

2007-11-11T21:54:00.000-05:00

My daughter thinks Laurie Berkner is the biggest star in the whole world, and I'm starting to believe it to. She loves to sing along, and sometimes acts like she is the one in the videos.

Dang, that kid is cute. It's even funnier that the proper name for the state is actually "Al Abama".

I am assimilating into the Deep South

2007-11-07T20:15:00.000-05:00

You might have read about I was considering a change of vehicle. Well, the decision was easy since I have been living in the South for son long. I haven't actually read the particular law, but I have been told that all Southerners need to own a pickup truck.
Yep.
So, I didn't get the GMC Canyon after all.
But I got the next best thing. I ended up getting the Chevrolet Colorado which has the exact same body style. The bonus was that i got to buy a 2006 leftover at a significant discount. Sweet!

Anyway, a year later, and I love this car. My first car was a Dodge Ram 50, a tiny version of a pickup truck. I loved it then. I love it now. I think I was born to live in the South.

Seriously, Nobody Tells Me Anything.

2007-06-18T22:28:00.000-04:00

My cousin, Dan, is getting married soon, and we are all very happy about it. I have been close to Dan for years, and he is one of the people I missed most when I first moved to the Deep South. After I moved, he met a very nice girl that I am sorry that I did not get to spend much time with, but reports from my family tell me that "she's a keeper."
Our whole family is excited about getting together for the occasion. The last time we got together was for my sister Bean's wedding. That was a hoot. This time however, none of us are the ones getting married. We get to sit back and enjoy it and spend the entire time together as a big family.
Or so I thought.
Turns out that I will be singing at this event.
Not that I mind. I am actually flattered to be asked. I will be singing in the family quartet again, performing "An Irish Blessing" during the ceremony. I sung the same song with Katie and Annie at Bean's wedding, and this time she'll be joining us. It will be great.
Nope, I don't mind that at all. I'm really looking forward to it. In fact, I think it will make the event even more special.
The thing of it is, I didn't find out that i am singing until last night. My mom told me during our Father's Day phone call. Turns out she has known for quite a while. Turns out my Wonderful Wife has also known for a little while. Nobody tells me anything.
It's really not a big deal. I'm just complaining for the sake of the story. It just supports the cause of the blog, I guess. My WW was saving the news for a time closer to the event so I didn't spend the upcoming weeks fretting over how my voice sounds, what the parts were, whether or not I remember the words. And she's right -- I would. I'd hem and haw over it for days.
Bah. The bottom line is that it would be the same either way, whether or not I knew about it. I have been singing regularly for months and I pretty much know the song. I could learn about anything in a weekend, and I have way more than that to practice this one.
Funny how well my wife knows me.

I have Zombies for children

2007-06-16T11:15:00.001-04:00

I think that in the best way possible, kids can be your favorite wind-up toy. All you have to do is just turn the little key in their back, wind 'em up, let 'em go and then just sit back and enjoy the entertainment. I think that this principle works both ways; you can program your kids to be awful little buggers, too, under certain influences. I choose to use my powers for good.
You might have read once or twice about my love for horror movies. I've seen a few in my time. There are a bunch of zombie movies that i find particularly entertaining, mostly because they are actually kinda funny, the Return of the Living Dead series. I don't watch them often, but like most of the horror movies I watch, they stick with me. These movies are filled with slow-moving undead in search for human grey matter. Yep, that's right, brains. It's not just that they are looking for brains, it's that they actually chant the words, "brains! brains!" while they are stalking after their victims.
Now imagine for a moment my two sweet kids, both under the age of three and less than three feet tall. Imagine us out in public somewhere, in a mall, at church, in a restaurant. Picture me telling my daughter quietly, "Go eat your brother's brains." Can you imagine what happens next?
After I wind her up, Big Sis will raise her arms up over her head and run after Little Bubba yelling, "Brains! Brains! I'm going to eat your brains!" My boy will run away from her, giggles pealing out of him in this nervous, high-pitched way. When she catches up to him she will actually grab him by his shoulders, put her face against the back of his head and make a "num num num" sound while she pretends to, ...um, ...well, eat his brains.
Now the best part. It's as if fandom for horror flicks is genetic!
My boy will now turn around and chase Big Sis around yelling "Brains!" until he catches her. It's as if he actually knows that once a zombie eats your brains, you become a zombie too! He's so smart. I'm so proud.
The payoff is looking around the room to see who is watching this all unfold. Some people have actually no idea. Maybe they are just trying not to notice. Others will stare wide-eyed, with half of a smile until they see me smiling. Those are the ones who really enjoy it.
The best part is that the kids are completely enjoying themselves. They are not putting on a show for me at all -- they are just playing with each other in one of the many ways they know how.

We are underway!

2007-06-15T20:00:00.000-04:00

The Cobb Community Summer Singers has begun its 2007 season, practicing on Monday nights, building up for a concert in August. It's very exciting. The first rehearsal last week drew almost 50 voices, and we sound great already. The Director, Lynn Fowler, tells us that everyone who was expected couldn't make it, so we'll be even bigger next week. I can't wait!
Our program contains the following songs as of the first rehearsal:
Hallelujah Chorus from Mt. of Olives, Beethoven
Sanctus from Requiem, Faure
How Lovely Is Thy Dwelling Place, Brahms
Let All the World in Every Corner Sing, R. V. Williams
Hark! I Hear the Harps Eternal, arr. Parker
Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing, Wilberg
How Can I Keep From Singing, Walker
When I Can Read My Title Clear, arr. Parker
Elijah Rock, Hogan
Give Me Jesus, Fleming
John the Revelator, Caldwell / Ivory
Many of these I have sung before, so that is great nostalgia. All of the songs are challenging, and that makes the whole thing worth while -- I get enough "easy songs" at my regular weekly church choir.
The bass section is made up of mostly deep basses, and only one baritone other than myself. There are only about 5-6 tenors, so we are a little light in that section. Otherwise, they sound great. This chorus has something I haven't seen in almost 15 years -- female tenors. I haven't sung with girl tenors since college. They add a different sound to the tenor group -- I don't love it in a small ensemble, but it's great for a whole chorus.

Free Monday nights and live in the greater Marietta area? Come on down!

Cobb Community Summer Singers

2007-05-09T23:37:00.000-04:00

Last year, my former choir director invited me to participate in launching a local community chorus. Flattered, and very interested, I jumped at the chance to work on the project.
We launched the Cobb Community Summer Singers in 2006, held rehearsals on Monday nights from June until August and then held a concert which was very well received. The program consisted of some classical sacred music as well as several spirituals. The recording sounds great, and I am really proud to say that I was a "founding member" of this chorus.
This year, Year Two, we are hitting the ground running. We are trying to improve on our numbers, recruiting more than the 40 we had last year. One of the ways we decided to get the word out was to use a website. Who would create such a website, you might ask. Me, of course.
www.cobbsingers.com
This is my first ever web creation. I had to start it from the ground up, purchasing the domain name, finding a hosting service and then creating and publishing the actual code for the site. It was a challenge for a novice like myself, but I think it turned out all right. Let me know what you think! I am happy to hear any suggestions you might have.
My next task for the site development is to add some photos that I will take during rehearsals. I'd like to also add two pages: one to list out sponsors and donors, where others can choose to make a donation via paypal, and another to launch an application for membership and scholarship (tuition assistance). I think that I can do it, but it will take me some time to work out the particulars.

Don't Go. Don't Go. Don't Go.

2007-01-17T22:54:00.000-05:00

I am going back to the gym again, I have been going for the past two weeks. Six pounds in six visits. Not bad, I think.
That's the good part about hitting the gym again. The bad part is that I don't get to spend my mornings with my kids anymore. I used to wake up with them every morning and we would play and have breakfast together before I headed off to work. In order for me to make it to the gym before going to work, I leave a full hour before they even wake up.
The past couple of mornings, Bib Sis comes into our bedroom after she wakes and asks her Mommy where Daddy is. "At work," Mommy tells her. This morning, Big Sis enters the bedroom and before she even asks, she looks at the empty place on my side of the bed and says in a disappointed tone, "Again?"
Ugh. I keep telling myself that it's a good thing for me to keep going. Stories like that really bum me out.

Speaking of things she misses, I traded away my Jeep for a pick-up truck. That's a story for another day, and one worth telling. Big Sis, on the way to dinner tonight asked me where the Jeep was. I told her that we had traded it in for the pickup truck.
"Your pickup truck?" she asked.
"Yep, my pickup truck." I answered.
"I don't like it. I want the Jeep back."
So do I, kid. So do I.

Big Sis is doing great with her potty training. The best part is when she lets my Wonderful Wife know that she has to go, it is all-of-a-sudden the biggest production for her to get to the bathroom.
You know how Road Runner would run in place for a few seconds before he would actually takc off? She's kinda like that. It looks like she would be running sprints in the Olympics, but there isn't much forward motion for all that movement.
The whole way to the potty, she whispers to herself, "Don't go. Don't go. Don't go."
She is a hoot.

My wonderful daughter

2007-01-16T20:45:00.000-05:00

Let me fill you in on the past few days around here.
My daughter is wonderful. I love her like crazy, and I'm so glad she's here.

You could stop right there, read no further, and get the message. Want more? Keep right on reading.

Potty Time
Not long after Big Sis turned two we started to encourage her to use the potty. We bought an assortment of "pull-ups", the diapers that work like training pants, and used them whenever we could get her to sit on the potty. We would sit together in the bathroom, waiting for the magical moment when she would produce a few tiny drops and then celebrate with Mini M&Ms and her pull-up diapers.
After a week or so of trying, she started to get bored of the potty. When we asked her if she wanted to sit on the potty, she would tell us, "No," shaking her head in an indifferent sort of way. "I want to use my diaper."
She even got a gift of big-girl underpants from her Grandma with the Disney Princesses. They were a big hit, but didn't change her mind about the potty. My Wonderful Wife and I were a bit discouraged, but we decided we just wouldn't push her. If she didn't want to do it, if she wasn't ready, we couldn't force her. My WW told her, "you can use your diaper until you turn three years old," giving her more than six months, plenty of time to warm up to the idea. "When you are ready to use the potty, you just let us know."
Big Sis seemed relaxed about that, grateful that there was no more potty-pressure. And we all went happily along, using diapers that way for another few months. It wasn't a big deal -- Bubba is still in diapers too, so we have plenty around.
Three days ago, while I was changing her diaper, Big Sis looks up at me and says, "I want to use the potty, Daddy." Stunned, I said, "That's great! ...are you sure?"
"Yes," she said, "It's time."
Um... how old is this kid? "It's Time"?? I couldn't believe it. I wisked her off the changing table and plopped her down on her potty.
And she went.
There was much celebration. Her reward? A pair of her princess underpants. The Snow White ones, to be exact.
Since then, she's had only one accident (that I know of) and she has been using her "big girl underpants" throughout the day. Diapers still at night, of course. Tomorrow is the big test; she returns to pre-school and will spend three hours away from home armed only with some thick training pants.
I am positive that she will do just fine. I am very proud of her.

Mr. Brown Can Moo
For those of you familiar with Dr. Seuss, you might recognize the title of this particular book, Mr. Brown Can Moo. Bubba got this and another Seuss board book as a Christmas gift, but Big Sis has taken them from him for her own personal use. She particularly likes hearing me say all the sounds that Mr. Brown can do, but none more than one special one: the rain. Mr. Brown can sound like the rain, the book tells us. "Dibble Dibble Dopp. Dibble Dibble Dibble Dibble Dopp Dopp Dopp".
I didn't even notice that she took an interest in this one until a week ago when she was singing a song back to me that I was teaching her (I can't remember what song it was -- either "the Song That Never Ends" or "Dr. Worm" by They Might Be Giants). Whenever she couldn't remember the words she would ad-lib with a few dibbles and a few dopps.
My daughter talks to herself a lot. My daughter is kinda funny like that. It's not anything weird, or anything that i worry about. She will narrate her way through the day and not think twice about it. Occasionally she will involve you in her self-carried discussion, but only when she thinks it's a good idea. A day or two after learning how Mr. Brown can sound like the rain, she was using Dibble-Dibble in between sentences.
This wouldn't be a big deal unless you know my sisters. And the big deal isn't actually my sisters, but rather what they remember about me when I was a kid. When I was young, I used (over used) a certain nonsense word often to express all kinds of things, including anger and frustration, satisfaction and happiness. That simple word was "dibby". I even created different forms of that word like it was a Latin noun with different declensions. Oh, I can't even believe I am writing this, or confessing it, but hearing my daughter using "dibble" in between sentences brought back quite a few memories of my own nonsense word.
And it now reminds me of how my three sisters love to bring it up to me whenever we get together. They love to kid me.
With that in mind, I decided to teach my kid something different (but equally funny) to say while wandering around the house...

Gooped up on Gop
You know how you get certain phrases stuck in your head after watching a really funny movie? Movies like "The Mask" are extremely quotable, and these memes have become part of our vernacular. How many times have you heard someone say "Somebody stop me!" in that Jim Carrey tone of voice? Too many times, I'm sure.
The same kind of phrase stuck with me after watching "Austin Powers in Goldmember" a few years ago. The character, Goldmember, while entertaining Austin Powers in his office, offers him a "Smoke and a Pancake". The thing about it is that it sounded more like "Schmoke and a Pankeg", which, to me, is pretty funny. I can't explain it any better, it's just funny to me.
That phrase popped into my head on New Years Eve and as a result I had half of the people at our houseparty that night saying it. "Schmoke and a Pankeg." Cracks me up.
It's even funnier to hear Big Sis say it. Oh man, she is a hoot. She's just trying to please when she repeats it back to me, but man, she is funny.
I started her on another one tonight -- "Gooped up on Gop". I heard it on the radio, referring to how Paula Abdul sounded during several recent interviews. Paula sounded like she was Gooped up on Gop, drowning in the sauce. Of course the publicist blamed it on faulty equipment, and a technical glitch, but let me tell ya: I heard her, and she's gooped up on gop.
Big Sis has a little more trouble saying that one, but we're working on it.

Co-workers, Friends and Readers

2007-01-14T20:07:00.000-05:00

I recently had a co-worker mention that they read my blog and they like it.
That's cool.
It's also a little interesting... I didn't expect that this website would remain a secret or anything. A few of my friends know about it, and when anyone asks about it I don't avoid the topic. But there is something a little unsettling about having a co-worker read some of these things.
I have a tracker on this site which tells me data about each visitor to the page. I can find out all sorts of things about you -- where you live, what kind of computer you have, and even some of your web browsing habits. But it doesn't tell me who you are.
I put myself out there on the page and don't expect anyone to sign in or sign up. I don't have a guest book for people to record their visits. I offer a place for comments, but it's certainly not required. The point is, I don't really know much about my reader, but they know about me.
It's true, I don't write much, if anything, about work. I almost avoid the subject entirely; it's just not the point of this blog. And that is a good practice, since I'd like to continue working at that place.
Basically, the reader's benign complement ended up as a reminder that people do read what I write, and that I should be careful about the kinds of things that I post. And that's the reality of the world around me.

Why I watch these movies, and Why I don't go spelunking

2007-01-10T23:14:00.001-05:00

The long awaited film, "The Descent," finally arrived from Netflix today. The same night where the mother-in-law offers to take the kids for the evening to give me the the Wonderful Wife a night to ourselves.
After a dinner of wings at an establishment called Buffalo Wild Wing, a place which pales in comparison to my favorite wing joint, Wild Wing Cafe, we decided to head back home to watch an episode or two of "24: Day 5". When we got there we realized that my other Netflix pick showed up as well, the horror flick. I figured that I would have to watch it solo, in the dark quiet of the late night in my office above the garage after WW had gone to bed.
On my way to my comfy chair, I jokingly suggested that we could watch "The Descent" instead of boring old "24", and she said, "Sure."
Wha?
Huh?
Did she just...
"It's been over three years since I watched anything scary," she adds. Upon becoming pregnant with Kid A, she quickly grew a distaste for anything violent or tense on TV, and absolutely refused to watch any kind of thriller or horror movie. Over 36 months later, she has decided that tonight was the night to jump back into the ring.
"Are you sure?" I asked.
"Yeah, sure, it sounds good."
And it was.
This was one of those horror movies which makes you feel uncomfortable from the moment it starts. You don't know exactly why, but things just aren't right. Ok, someone dies right in the beginning of the movie, but from a car accident and not by any supernatural means. Ok, it was particularly shocking, and even a bit gruesome, but it wasn't the scary part of the movie. It served it's purpose for the story, and helped to set a disquieting mood for the rest of the film.
The protagonists of this particular story are a group of six girls who decide that instead of enjoying a weekend of basejumping, mountain climbing, white water rafting or any other of nature's thrills, the best way for them to spend their free time was exploring some underground caves. Boy, were they wrong.
They should have asked me what to do. I never would have sent them into that cave. Why? Because of the monsters, of course.
There was a good hour spent in this movie heightening the tension by following the girls through narrow, dark cave tunnels, each leading to another series of tunnels further underground, even darker than before. They are forced to push on after a (well named) cave-in blocks their known exit. It was just after one of the girls falls and breaks her leg that you see the first of the monsters. Not so creepy at first. Hard to see in the dark. But you know it's there. And the girls can't escape.
And I can't move from my chair.
And I am so uncomfortable.
And my poor wife is enduring this along with me because she loves me.
And she can't move either.
Normally I watch these movies alone and I can pause to take breaks whenever I feel too much pressure. I avert my eyes or press pause and breathe deep before continuing with the movie.
Not tonight. Not with my wife with me. Not if I am going to make it though this thing. We press on, taking only one bathroom break during the first hour.
And that's when all heck breaks loose. Thirty minutes follow of terror, on screen and off.
No, I didn't scream like a girl and embarrass myself. I may have jumped a few times and clutched at my heart for fear that it had stopped, but I didn't yelp or cry out once.
By the time it was over my entire upper body was numb from holding my muscles tense for the last 30 minutes. Yikes that was gross. Ugh, that was scary.
At the end of the movie, my WW jumps up from the sofa, grabs the "24: Day 5" DVD and replaces "The Descent" in the player.
"I don't understand why you watch these movies," she says. Same reason I don't go spelunking. It's all because of the monsters. And now I've seen the proof.

Big Sis at Christmas

2007-01-06T12:02:00.000-05:00

Down here in the Deep South we do things a little differently than I had up North. On Christmas morning, the kids are awed by all the gifts from both Santa and Family, but all the Santa gifts are left unwrapped. It is as if Santa pulled them directly from his sack upon arriving from the chimney flue, and just couldn't find where we kept the tape or scissors.
Not that I mind, it's less for "Santa's Helpers" to wrap during the weeks leading up to the big day. If I can avoid the nights of measuring, cutting, and taping, well that's okay by me. It just feels funny, strategically placing and arranging all the Santa-gifts late on Christmas Eve. Organizing them in a particular way to highlight certain things and to make sure that everything from Santa can be seen all at once.
What makes this such an event is that Santa always brings one "big gift". It might be a lot to live up to in Christmases to come, but these have been good years. This year's big gift for our daughter was a Disney Princess Castle doll house. This thing is as tall as bubba and three times as wide. It has a piano which plays music, working lights, and an oven which makes a strange gurgling noise that only a Disney Princess could explain. It's really extravagant. Along with that our little princess found a Snow White and a Belle doll in each of the bedrooms in the upstairs of the doll house. These are really nice, Barbie-like dolls which she really seems to like.
She calls it Cinderella's Castle. That only makes sense since Cinderella is her favorite of all the Disney Princesses. There are quite a few to choose from: Belle, Ariel, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Jasmine, and even Mulan. I might have even missed one. But Cinderella is her favorite. She has been reading the story for years and watching the movie for months. She knows all the character names and probably could tell you the entire story if you left her alone with the book.
Shortly after Christmas, during the week before New Year's Day, I over heard someone ask Big Sis what she got from Santa. She thought about it for a minute, like she does most things, and answers, "a Cinderella Castle!". She pauses for a second and then adds, "but no Cinderella!"
Hmmph.
No Cinderella.
Here, she gets all this neato cool stuff and she is focused on what she didn't get. Does it really start this early? I couldn't believe it! Hello?? Snow White?? Belle?? Are they second class doll citizens??
I decided it wasn't worth getting too worked up over and it wasn't until later when i mentioned the incident to my Wonderful Wife. "She has a Cinderella already," she tells me. "In fact, she has a Cinderella, a Prince Charming and an entire horse and carriage to go with it." You're kidding. She is so focused on what she got that day, she has totally forgotten what she already had!
We should have just put the same Cinderella inside the castle on Christmas Eve. Maybe next year we do it a little different. Maybe next year we just give her something she already has. I'm not sure if she will notice.
The good news is that she loves it. We set it up in her bedroom; it's previously been a "sleep only" room where we kept her clothes, her bed and her books. There were a very few things in there that she could play with, mostly because we wanted to emphasize that this room is for sleeping. The castle is now the only real toy in there. Sometimes we find her in there humming and talking to herself playing with the dolls and arranging them in the house. She is so wonderful to have around. Looks like this present worked out after all.

My Wonderful Wife reminds me...

2007-01-04T23:04:00.000-05:00

I just told my WW about some of the things i have written about and she looks at me with this blank look and says, "when are you going to write about something pertinent?"
"What do you mean? What would be more pertinent?" I asked.
"You started this whole thing so that you could stay in touch with your family, remember?"

Ah, yes. I remember. I am just warming up. I've been out of practice for some time. This is just clearing the slate, clearing the mind. I need to get this all out of the way so that I can get to the rest of it.

Here's a little taste of the family news:
Bubba is almost walking. He is saying a few words now along with a few signs, so we are really communicating well. Two more teeth have poked through for a total of eight.
Big Sis is in school two mornings a week (although she is on break right now). She is the best singer in her class, and really shined during her holiday performance.

More to come, when I can really tell the tales.

The Flood continues...

2007-01-04T21:42:00.000-05:00

Okay, where did I leave off last night?
Ah, yes. Here.

Words, Words, Words
I love Etymology. I ended up as an English major in college, and probably should have minored in the Classics since I spent a great deal of time learning Latin and reading the works of many Greek philosophers and playwrights. As a result, I have a keen eye and ear for words. I pay attention to how people use them, I notice when they are used out of context or incorrectly. I sometimes agonize over the right word to use while writing, because I know the right word is out there, I just can't think of it.
Etymology is almost like history -- the history of words; where did they come from, who used them first, what did they really mean, and how did they come to mean what they do today. There is an interesting website that i have stopped at once in a while called http://www.etymonline.com/ where you can look up all sorts of words and learn about where they came from and why we use them today. Check it out sometime.
My friend SB recently posted on her blog about the history of a particular Christmas song, "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas". In the same way i love words, I found this fascinating. It's hard to imagine that this song was actually intended to be sung as a sad goodbye, from one sister to another in the musical Meet Me in St. Louis. You can read more about this song's bitter origins at its Wikipedia article.

Speaking of Bitter...
I was a bartender for a few years before I moved to the Deep South, and during that time I learned quite a few things about mixing ingredients to make delicious beverages. I rarely ever drank the drinks I made, but I have been told that I was very good at the craft.
Tonight I found my bottle of Angostura Bitters and felt a rush of memories about family parties, watching my father create what seemed to be a witch's brew for my Grandmother. He would make her something called a Manhattan, and, if he had the right ingredients, he would even mix an occasional Old Fashioned. I was a little kid back then, and my Dad much older. My Grandmother, even older (imagine that). But these drink names seemed ancient. It was like my Dad was mixing up some part of the old world, and the secret ingredient was "bitters". "Only two dashes, son," he'd tell me. "Don't overdo it." By the smell of them, two were plenty.
And there they were. The bitters. In my refrigerator. I read the entire label. I learned some of the history of the bitters (created by J.G.B. Siegert), I learned that there is alcohol in the bitters (a whopping 45%), and I learned an interesting recipe for a non-alcoholic drink called the Southampton: juice of half a lime, two or three dashes bitters, tonic. I happened to have tonic in the garage and a lime in the fridge. I made the drink immediately.
Delicious.
Even better than Pirates of the Caribbean, and just as sour.

The Wonderful World of Wiki
I linked a reference to the Christmas song above to an article posted on Wikipedia, the open-source, community driven, free encyclopedia. This is a great tool. It's also great for an interesting read during the lunch break at work. Want to know something about Quantum Physics on a lark? No problem. Have a need to peruse a Glossary of Ballet terms? Piece of cake. Just head to www.wikipedia.com and search for it. What you get is an easy to read, easy to navigate page about everything I could possibly want to know about the subject.
The best part is that if you think you know something about the subject, and the page lacks the detail that you have to offer, you can submit edits to any page and teach the encyclopedia what you know. Brilliant. Unfortunately, I haven't found anything that I know enough about that I could help write. But I still like the site.

...and I'm still not done. But I need a break. More to come.

Too much going on in my head

2007-01-03T23:12:00.000-05:00

I have been too busy to sit and write for a while, as I expected I might be. I have been too busy to even write down some of the ideas I have had to write about lately, forget about sketching them out in outline form. So, due to the overwhelming stress these unwritten ideas are causing me, here comes the Brain Dump!

Man takes Gore Verbinski out to the woodshed, film at eleven.
I just watched the latest Pirates of the Caribbean movie last night and I want my one hundred and fifty minutes back. Director Gore Verbinski has taken an interesting movie about a lovable scoundrel, Captain Jack, and turned it into an epic trilogy filled with distracting special effects and a boring story with a meandering plot line. Sure, the whole Davey Jones' Locker extrapolation was interesting, but each time Davey Jones appeared on screen I was mesmerized by the tentacles hanging from his face. How many of those thing were there? I tried to count each time, but they kept moving and i couldn't keep up with them. What? A story line? Did I miss something? Two and one half hours after this snooze began, we wind up with the most major faux pas any movie can make: a CLIFFHANGER ENDING. Only TV shows are allowed to write cliffhanger endings into their stories, keeping us engaged until the next week's episode. That's just the way it is. Movies aren't supposed to do this. ESPECIALLY when the follow-up won't be released for an entire year after the last.
The Matrix did something like this, but each movie really was a capsule of the story, and can stand alone (with some minor explanation) without the other films. The Star Wars Trilogies may have left us wanting more at the end of each movie, but they did nothing like what this film did, cutting us off at the knees, waiting for some resolution. Gore might have been better off if he had yelled "CUT" in the middle of the last sentence and wrapped it right then. The viewer left with the same unfinished, unsettled feeling. The ONLY movie to have ever done the cliffhanger right was the Back To The Future series, but the simple reason for their success was releasing the third episode only ONE MONTH after the second. We really don't have to wait very long for the exciting conclusion.
Bah. I expected more, and was left wanting still by the movie's end. Leave this one on the shelf.

Oprah spends her money the way she feels like it, insults millions.
Ok, so Oprah spends $40 million on a school in South Africa to enable 150 girls to get a better education. Maybe I'm a bit naive, but that's quite a tuition! Ok, sure, there is a beauty salon and a yoga center on the campus, but so what? These elite students are here to learn right? I wonder what else is available for these lucky 150? I have heard that the student class size will grow to be almost 450 some day. That's just so inclusive, isn't it? Maybe i really don't understand what it costs to educate the nations youth, but I feel like that is a steep bill to pay to do so much for so few.
Really, it wouldn't bug me much except for what she has done to mischaracterize the youth in America's "inner city schools". The way she has labeled the inner city youth as "not wanting to learn" and materialistic, is ironic. Oprah, you should be ashamed of yourself for using such a broad stroke brush to paint these kids in such a way. You have just alienated all of the hardworking, good students struggling to succeed in the environment you see as so awful.
In a speech she made regarding the opening of the school, she says "her whole life had led her to this moment." Wow. What's next? I'm sure she is spending some money in her home state of Mississippi, but I never hear of it because none of it generates so much publicity. The problem with her current Cause is that it emphasizes her own materialism, underscores the flagrant materialism on her TV show, and could ultimately promote the same sense of materialism in these special 150 students she has chosen to attend her special school for girls.
Oprah says that all these girls really want are uniforms so that they can go to school. Hopefully they won't wake up and start demanding Ipods with their plaid skirts.

...it's late. More to come soon.

Word on the Street

2007-01-02T21:10:00.000-05:00

I have been told that people have been having issues posting messages on the blog. I'll look into it and see if I can figure it out. Try to post again soon and let me know if it still isn't working.

New Horror movie on the way! Tivo is already here!

2006-12-27T01:22:00.000-05:00

I can't wait. The Descent is on its way to me from NetFlix. I will be sure to tell you all about it once I have seen it.
The only thing better than NetFlix is Tivo. Our friends Howie and Darryl gave us a Tivo for Christmas this year. Woah, i just love to fast forward commercials. I really enjoy pausing a live broadcast while i get a soda refill from the kitchen. I think recording movies and TV shows like "Good Eats" to be watched later is very cool.
My Tivo movie waiting for me is Bruce Almighty. I am excited to know that when there really is nothing on TV, I don't have to struggle through some second-rate USA Network movie just for the small entertainment value. I also think that I will be recording all Yankee games available to me for later viewing.
Man, this is going to be great.

To Kill a Spider

2006-12-26T00:42:00.000-05:00

...blah blah blah blah. Self-important blather. Quit patting yourself on the back already! Get to the funny stuff, man! No one wants to read you talking to yourself about how important your writing is. Jeez! Tell us a real story.
Fine. I'll tell you an old one then -- about how I killed a certain spider.

One night this past summer, after a quick dinner of tater tots and fish sticks, the family headed outside to play a little in the evening sun. The plan was run around the yard and wear the kids out a bit before heading out for ice cream cones.
It was still very warm outside; Little Bubba broke out in a sweat almost immediately. That's just what he does. Big Sis, excited to be outside, ran down the driveway to meet her neighbor-friend, Katie.
Katie is about about 10 years old and Big Sis adores her. She loves playing with Katie, and Katie has adopted a "big sister" role with her, taking very good care of her and paying her a lot of attention even when she has her own friends around.
As Kaylin ran down the driveway towards her, Katie points into our pine island and says, "Ew, look at that big ugly spider". I didn't think much of it since we have an occasional wolf spider around, but they generally don't stay in sight for very long.
"Look at the red on it," she says. "Do you think it's a Black Widow?"
Now she has my attention.
My Wonderful Wife scoops Kaylin up after one look at this spider and asks me to join them at the foot of the driveway to investigate. Barefoot, I run to the place in where the girls are pointing and see a spider the size of a nickle making it's way though our yard. It was an ugly bugger with a black sectional body, what looked like pincers on the front of it, and eight red legs. A very strange looking arachnid. Not a Black Widow, but still dangerous looking, mostly because of the red coloring.
"I hope it isn't poisonous. Kill it." I can't remember if my wonderful wife said that or if it was my inner monologue, but that's all the encouragement I needed. No spider is safe from my wrath.
I run back in the house to put on my bug stomping shoes, some old pair of Nikes I keep in the garage to mow the lawn. Ironically, i have to smack them together to make sure i don't stick my toes into more spiders... nope, nothing in there. Once I'm fully armored, I head back down to the edge of the property where the spider is making its way towards the road. I take aim, and *squish*!
"Is it dead? Are you sure?" I poke around with the toe of my shoe to be sure, and yep, there it is, upside down and curled up in that "dead spider" kind of way.
"You're certain?" Oh yeah, that sucker is dead, dead, dead.
Mission Accomplished. Threat averted. Return to your playtime activities.
I couldn't go back to playtime. I was too busy wondering what the heck that spider was and what it was doing in my yard. Was it really dangerous? Will there be more of them?
I excused myself and ran into the house, planting myself in front of my web browser. I pointed my way to Google and searched for "spider red legs black body". In the millions of results, two catch my eye immediately. I click on the first, and get to a webpage called "What's that Bug". Good start, huh? I'm certain to find answers here. Check it out: http://whatsthatbug.com/red_legged_purseweb_spider.html
Don't feel like reading it? No problem. I quickly found out that I had killed a Red-Legged Purseweb Spider. Not DANGERous, it seems, but actually enDANGERed.
That couldn't be right, could it? I return to the Google web search results and click on the second link, a University of Kentucky site. http://www.uky.edu/Ag/CritterFiles/casefile/spiders/purseweb/purseweb.htm I scroll down to the bottom of the page and, sure enough, that sucker is endangered.
I feel like I am living in the movie The Freshman, when Matthew Broderick thinks that Marlon Brando is actually killing the endangered Kimono Dragon. Except, I really did kill the Kimono Dragon.
Trouble is, if I saw that ugly spider again, I'd probably squish it again.

Hiatus is over!... a Merry Christmas!

2006-12-25T20:32:00.000-05:00

The wait is over. Thank my Wonderful Wife. I am back and I am determined to stick to it and keep up with writing on a regular basis.
For those of you who were avid readers (as Stephen King would call you), I apologize for abandoning you to read over and over the same unfulfilled promise of my return. This has been long overdue. A few of you had mentioned to me that you missed reading these posts, but I just shrugged the encouragement off as polite courtesy. I apologize for not allowing myself to hear you.
I have thought about coming back often, but i just have never made the time. Not an excuse, just the truth.
I got promoted recently at work and my available brainstorming and subsequent writing time was reduced to the hour at night I would spend unwinding to a video game after the rest of the family was safely tucked in to bed. Not an excuse, just the facts.
There are even a few posts that I started last summer that were decent beginnings that I just couldn't seem to finish -- perhaps I was struck with a bit of writers block. Not an excuse, just a dose of reality.
Anyway you look at it, I wasn't coming back on my own. Not without help. Again, you can thank my Wonderful Wife.
She might be the most ingenious person I know. A few times in passing, she mentioned that I should get back to writing, that I enjoyed it so much; that she enjoyed it so much. Yeah, yeah, I thought, she is so sweet to say things like that. I didn't "get it" until she showed me how important this blog was to her in an unexpected and inventive way.
Over the course of the past week, in preparation for her very personal Christmas gift to me, my Wonderful Wife spent many hours selecting, cutting, pasting, organizing, printing, binding, and essentially publishing the entirety of this blog (yes, word for word, all of your comments were preserved). She says it was to ensure that the writing wasn't lost forever in the vacuum of the Internet. What she meant to show me was the actual weight of the work that I had created in a way that forced me to finally realized the value.
I couldn't imagine that I had actually written that much until it was presented to me, boxed and bound. The volume of words was one thing, but the real value of them registered as her father read through the beginining pages, laughing all the while. He'd look up at me shaking his head and smiling, immediately returning his eyes to the paper once he knew I was able to recognize the pleasure he was having reading my writing.
I don't mean to over dramatize this whole thing, (too late) but it turns out that several others were taking this blog more seriously than I. I had started to take this all for granted: the blog, the entries, the ideas, the opinions, the readers. I started to write and then quit once I felt satisfied, never finishing what I had started. I owe it to any faithful reader to continue. And with all the effort I had been putting into the writing, especially knowing how much I love to write, I owe it to myself to continue.
So here I go.
I'll have to start slow.
Writing is a bit like running; you get better and faster the more you do it, and until you are back in shape, you have to take frequent breaks.
I'll try to keep the breaks short.

August is a good month to take off

2006-09-01T00:36:00.000-04:00

I'm back.
More to come.
August was long.
I have much to say.

Just not today.

That was no horror movie.

2006-07-23T02:44:00.000-04:00

At best, Resident Evil 2 is an action flick that happens to have scary looking undead marching around eating people.
Ok, that's a little gross, but it really wasn't scary. In fact the undead are almost funny in how they are depicted. Comic lumbering masses, who are constantly rising from the dead. Silly.
Oh well. I'll have to look forward to whatever is next on my Netflix list. Maybe a little "Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter"? Perhaps.

It's Horror night!

2006-07-22T20:40:00.000-04:00

Tonight I'll be watching "Resident Evil 2". I watched the first one, and it was as much cool sci-fi as it was a thriller. Not quite a horror movie, but it was shocking in a few places.
This one picks up right where the last one leaves off and should explain a little more from the first movie.
Best part? Milla Jovovich, of course! Ok, and the crazy undead creatures that prowl after her. So cool.
I'll give you an update once i am finished with it.

World Jump Day

2006-07-20T11:36:00.000-04:00

Did you feel that? Were you awoken this morning by a certain "bump" in the night? Wasn't an earthquake, can't quite explain it? I can.
It's World Jump Day today and I can't believe you missed it!
According to some very bright scientists in Germany, if 600 million people all jump at the same time, at exactly 6:39AM and 13 seconds EST, a force could be exerted on the earth so strong that it would send it into a new orbit around the sun.
Neat, huh?
Why in the world would we have World Jump Day? To prevent Global Warming, of course. The theory states that if we can push ourselves just a little further from the sun, the world will get a bit cooler and we'll live a lot longer.
Nice.
600 million people are required for this to work. According to the offical website www.worldjumpday.org at 2pm yesterday they were a few hundred thousand shy. Last night there were over 250 thousand more than needed.
What happens if enough people don't actually jump? Will it help a little, or not at all?
What happens if there are a whole bunch of unauthorized jumpers? Will this send us on a collision course with Mars?
We can only guess.
Let me know if you jumped, would you?

It's Dean R. Koontz week!

2006-07-17T22:41:00.000-04:00

While on vacation I love to spend my free time reading. Nowadays, with two kids constantly needing attention, reading time is in short supply.
Before we left for the trip, my Wonderful Wife suggested that I choose a book for her. Her last book, Flirting With Pete, by Barbara Delinsky, was not the page turner that she was hoping for. Even though she finished it and enjoyed it, she wanted something a little more exciting.
I went to the bookshelf and looked past my huge Stephen King collection (you can't take first edition hardcovers to the beach!), and found my Dean R. Koontz paperback collection. I have about 20 different soft-cover Koontz books, each from different points in his career. I have two that I read repeatedly (Midnight and Watchers) and a bunch that I have never even cracked open.
I pulled Watchers off the shelf, since WW told me that she had already read Midnight. Just in case I also grabbed The Door To December for her. That worked out for the best since she turned up her nose at my original choice when i told her it was a story about a "really smart dog." I think i undersold it a bit.
For myself, now in the mood for some of this easy reading, I selected Cold Fire and Twilight Eyes. I have never read either before and they looked interesting.
My wonderful wife began to read while on our journey to the beach; she didn't waste any time. I, on the other hand, had to wait until we got to the island for a quiet time after the kids went to bed.
Once we got to the condo we were staying at, I unpacked all the books and put them on an endtable in the living room. That's when i noticed that my father-in-law had also brought two Dean Koontz books for himself. He was planning on reading Strange Highways, a collection of short stories that he began a long time ago but never finished. The really odd thing was that he also chose Cold Fire for the trip just as I had.
I finished Cold Fire and most of Twilight Eyes (i just have the second half left, added a few years after the original publication. It was not a great book so I'm not sure I'll finish it). My wonderful wife had 20 pages left in her book by the time we made it back home. The F-I-L managed to finish the first (and longest)story in the collection he was reading; he did us the favor of watching Big Sis often while WW and I snuck away to the beach for some quiet reading and sunning time.
So, the final score? I win... but it wasn't a race, i swear.

All-Star Fantasy Team

2006-07-12T15:43:00.000-04:00

Every summer I look forward to the Major League Baseball All-Star Game. For the past four years, a friend of mine from the Deep South, Tony, and I would seat ourselves at a local watering hole and watch the entire game while trading baseball statistics and factiods. Our little tradition started out with just the two of us but has grown to include a larger number of baseball fanatics.
This year, however, I will not be attending the annual event since I am away on Hilton Head Island. Instead, I have convinced my Wonderful Wife that it would be necessary for us to have wings and beer at the local Wild Wing Cafe in the spirit of our annual get-together.
Yep, there is even a Wild Wing on the island, a little slice of hot-wing heaven. If you haven't heard already, I love this place (read my old rant here).
So with the big game in mind, I have examined my current fantasy baseball team and I think I have a winner. Much to the chagrin of some of the whiners in my league, I have assembled a serious contender, and I think I have a very good shot at the championship this year. Let me run down the list of players on my team, whether or not they are All-Stars this year, and how they ended up on my roster.
Offense --
Joe Mauer (C - Min): All-Star, Drafted
Albert Pujols (1B - StL): All-Star, Keeper
Dan Uggla (2B - Fla): All-Star, picked up from free agent list.
David Wright (3B - NYM): All-Star, Keeper
Rafael Furcal (SS - LAD): Keeper
Chone Figgins (Util - LAA): Keeper
Manny Ramirez (OF - Bos): All-Star, Traded Corey Patterson (OF - Bal) for him amid much league controversy. The trade was offered to me, and the originating team manager still wanted Patterson even after several other managers berated him.
Jeremy Hermida (OF - Fla): Drafted
Justin Morneau (1B - Min): Drafted, dropped and picked up again later from waiver wire.
Ryan Freel (Util - Cin): Drafted, dropped and picked up again later from the waiver wire.
Gary Sheffield (OF - NYY): Traded Brad Wilkerson (1B, OF - Tex) for him even though Shef was on the DL.
Pitching --
Roy Halladay (SP - Tor): All-Star, Keeper
Mark Prior (SP - ChC): Keeper
Billy Wagner (RP - NYM): Drafted
Joel Zumaya (RP - Det): picked up from free agent list
Rafael Soriano (RP - Sea): picked up from free agent list
Scott Kazmir (SP - TB): All-Star, Drafted
Francisco Liriano (SP - Min): All-Star, picked up from free agent list
Ryan Dempster (RP - ChC): Drafted
Huston Street (RP - Oak): Drafted
Justin Verlander (SP - Det): picked up from free agent list
Yep, that's quite a team.

The Caiprinha - a great drink while on vacation

2006-07-10T14:51:00.000-04:00

While on a date-nite with my Wonderful Wife, we stopped at a local Hilton Head restaurant called "Marley's". The place had an island sensibility and lots of charm. We ordered a dessert of Churros (mexican cinnamon and sugar sprinkled donuts) and some tropical drinks. She ordered a strawberry pina colada, and I ordered a Caiprinha. The Caiprinha is made using a special rum that is made from sugar cane instead of molasses. Very tasty.

INGREDIENTS
1 lime quartered
1 tablespoon of sugar
1 shot of cachaça
1/2 Cup of ice cubes with water

PREPARE:
Place the lime and sugar in the bottom of a glass.
Using the handle of a wooden spoon, crush and mash
the limes. Pour the liqueur and ice. Stir well.

I prefer it shaken, which distributes the pulp throughout the drink. You can top off the drink with a little lemon-lime soda to fill the glass.

Breakdown!

2006-07-08T14:32:00.000-04:00

On our way to Hilton Head Island for our annual family week at my Wonderful Wife's parent's timeshare, we drove the 350 mile treck in a two-car caravan. Through Macon and across the east Georgia barrens we drove with regular stops to rest and feed the kids. Along the way we passed a town called Metter, a town that boasted on a roadside billboard that "Metter is better." I'll take their word for it.
Leaving Georgia, we stopped for a bio-break (food, fuel, restroom) at a gas station off of I-95 just outside of Savannah in a little town called Pooler. Our two-car caravan stopped and all of us piled out of the car to stretch our legs.
Once a pump opened up, I hopped back in the car to move it to get gassed up. Trying to restart the car proved that the battery was dead. We had already made it 300 miles, but the battery just decided that it wouldn't go any further. My father-in-law provided a jump-start from his car and the two of us made our way to the local Advance Auto Parts.
We really picked a great exit to stop off at; this Advance really was "ready in advance". (Metter might be better, but Pooler is definitely cooler) They had one battery left that fit our car but the tech thought it would be a good idea to test out the existing battery just in case. He wheeled out the oldest looking device and dragged it to our car engine. As he hooked positive sensor to positive post and negative to negative I checked out all the lights and sensors on his testing gizmo.
Sixty seconds pass as numbers scroll by on the display, lights flashing in no particular order on the grey box. With a single buzz, the message "Battery Bad" appears on the screen. That's it. No other information. I guess that we'll have to take their word for it. I kinda expected something more, almost like a printout that you would get from an emission check.
Five minutes later we had a new battery and we were back on the road. All is good in Pooler.

When "Where" is the new "Why"

2006-07-07T20:51:00.000-04:00

You know how the stereotypical child is constantly pestering the parent with a barrage of "Why?" questions? Usually after the parent carefully answers the first "Why" they are peppered with another "Why" on top of that? Here is an example:
Parent: "It's time for bed"
Kid: "Why?"
Parent: "Because it's getting late"
Kid: "Why?"
Parent: "Because it's about your bedtime"
Kid: "Why?"
Parent: "Because you are just two years old and 8 o'clock is late enough for two-year-olds"
Kid: "Why?"
Parent: "Because you really have nothing to do after 8 o'clock and frankly Daddy is getting tired"
Kid: "Why?"
Parent: "Because I had a long day at work"
Kid: "Why?"
Parent: "Well, first it was a meeting at 8am...
...you can see where this is going. Yeah, well, that's the stereotype, right? Not my kid. Big Sis's question is "Where". Even when it is completely redundant, she will fire off "Where" questions at me like she is a professional investigator. It usually sounds a little something like this:
Me: "Ok, time to get into the car"
Big Sis: "Where?"
Me: "In the garage"
Big Sis: "Where?"
Me: "Down the hall and out the door"
Big Sis: "Where?"
Me: "About 15 feet away from us now"
Big Sis: "Where?"
Me: "We're here."
Big Sis: "Where?"
Yep, she is super cute.

Happy Independance Day! Fireworks are now legal in Georgia!

2006-07-04T15:17:00.000-04:00

Happy 4th of July.
Fireworks are now legal in Georgia. Not the good kind, the ones that make the big explosions and shoot into the air. We get the sparklers and the pop-its and a few of the cones that you put on the ground that spray out a fountain of colorful sparks. I can't seem to find any roman candles, M80s, bottle rockets or even the firecrackers that i remember as a kid. I think when Bubba is older I will be glad that none of those are available around here.

Fireworks! ...and now I have Kenny Rogers' cell phone number

2006-07-03T23:26:00.000-04:00

Tonight the family went out to see Fourth of July fireworks at the local park. Last year we were on Hilton Head Island when we saw the fireworks. We watched them from one of the plantations, right on the water. It was a great setting and Big Sis really enjoyed her first fireworks display.
This year the park we were at was pretty small, and we could see the mortars setup at the other end of the park. I set out blankets earlier in the evening to reserve us some prime picnic and viewing space, and it made all the difference: we were very close to our car, to the consessions, to the play ground, to the band. It also meant that we were very close to the fireworks.
We had been talking up the fireworks display to the kids for a few days now. Big Sis was excited about them. I don't know if she remembered last year's event, but she was looking forward to seeing fireworks tonight.
Dusk settled in and we picked up our picnic area so that we didn't have to when it got dark. As the band was winding down, we strapped Big Sis and her friend, James, into our double-wide stroller. I can call it a double-wide stroller. I live in the Deep South. James is about the same age as Big Sis, give-or-take a few months, and is a regular, rough-and-tumble boy. It seemed like a good place to put them, in case they fell asleep, they would already be ready for the walk to the cars.
The moment the first explosion roared very close overhead, the two kids freaked out. Screaming for mommies and squirming to be released from their bindings, they flailed wide-eyed as bomb after bomb burst into bright lights in the sky. Once in her mother's arms, Big Sis stared blankly at the ground, occasionally wincing at the noise above. James jogged in place, crying, as he was put into pajamas by his mother. He held his hands over his eyes and cowered later in his father's lap. It wasn't long before Big Sis passed out from fear and exhaustion. She slept through the rest of the show.
Which brings me to the point of writing this whole story...
As we were packing up after the show, Big Sis's Grandpa picked up a cell phone off the ground. Obviously lost, I took it from him to deal with the responsibility of finding its owner. I figured that they would eventually call their own cell phone to try to figure out where it was. I'd do the same if it were me who had lost a cell phone.
On our ride home, my Wonderful Wife suggested I browse though the phone list in case there is a listing for "Home". Sure enough, there was a listing for "Home" and I decided to call that number in the morning.
Natural curiousity encouraged me to continue scrolling through the list of names. My curiosity paid off when I came across the name "Kenny Rogers". Holy Smokes! Could it be? Could it be true?? Do I now have access to The Gambler's cell phone? What luck!
Natural curiousity encouraged me to dial the number.
No answer.
I will try it again until I get in touch with him. What would I say? "Love your Chicken, Kenster." Maybe he is free for our New Year's Eve party and would like to make an appearance! What do you think I should say to Kenny Rogers when I call him?

Back by popular demand.

2006-07-02T21:39:00.000-04:00

Ok, you asked for it, you got it. Here is Big Sis singing her version of "Baa Baa Black Sheep".

My daughter is a singer

2006-06-29T00:26:00.000-04:00

Big Sis learned a special song to sing for Daddy on Father's Day. This is her rendition of "Take Me Out to the Ballgame".

Company Picnic

2006-06-22T01:21:00.000-04:00

Oh, by the way...
My company had their summer picnic recently and they decided to limit us to just one glass of beer per person. None of us are discouraged by this since we are an industrious, creative and free-thinking bunch of people.

Just kidding.

I am so freaked out

2006-06-22T01:12:00.000-04:00

(continued from the previous article where I talked about my latest horror flick)
I'll just call this my "therapy entry", because after watching that freakshow of a movie I will need some serious cooldown time.
Not so much scary as shocking and gory. Actually, it was a lot less scary than I anticipated. Instead it was just wierd. I did expect the people affected by years of toxic radiation to look deformed and mutilated but I didn't expect them to be so dang violent.
Let's just say that this movie overused the pickaxe.

My WW wouldn't consider watching this movie, naturally. She was scared by the movie poster. We have discussed it and we decided that movies that fall under the "thriller" genre will be acceptable for the two of us to watch together. The Skeleton Key is one that she has in mind; sounds good to me.

The Hills Have Eyes

2006-06-21T23:23:00.000-04:00

I'm doing it again.
Horror movies late at night.
Actually, this was completely by accident. I had originally wanted to reorder my queue so that I had some other new release in my queue. Instead, I didn't get around to it and I left this one as the next movie to be sent.
The Hills Have Eyes. A 2006 remake of a 1977 Wes Craven classic horror flick. I never saw the original. The tag-line for this movie is "The lucky ones died first..."
Oh yes.
There will be no sleep tonight.
Actually, I know better. This movie is already not going to be as scary as the last one for one simple reason. I recognize almost all the actors. The father of the vacationers is Monk's boss, the mother is Kathleen Quindlan, who has been in movies and television since before the original was even made, and one of the daughters is playing the pregnant girl on "Lost". There are others who look familiar.
If I can recognize these people from other movies, I can suspend my disbelief a little better than when I don't recognize anyone.
Small consolation there. I have heard that this movie is tense, graphic and very scary.
More to come...

More mediocre poetry

2006-06-03T23:02:00.000-04:00

I found another poem from a slow work day. I don't remember the exact context, but it probably has something to do with a "know-it-all" that I was tired of dealing with at work. We all have them, don't we? Someone who we try to avoid because if we actually said outloud what we were thinking about them, even accidentally, it would turn into a huge problem. No? Just me? Oh well then...
Here is the poem:
You don’t understand
You don’t understand because you don’t listen.
You talk a lot
You have little to say.
Think before you speak.
Speak softly and carry a big staple gun.
Use the gun to put the Christmas lights up on the walls.
Forget what I said.
You weren’t listening anyway.
Do you understand?
-- Matt, February 2002

Digital Cable

2006-06-02T06:43:00.000-04:00

A few years ago, during my apartment living daze in the Deep South, my roommates convinced me that getting the "digital cable upgrade" from our basiv cable would be a good idea. It would offer us many more options including a whole host of movie channels. Sounded good to me. Plus, it wouldn't be a huge increase in cost since we had our internet bundled in with that service. Even better.
Not long after that, I found myself at work, day-dreaming while on the phone with a customer. Day dreaming enough that I was typing up a stream-of-consiousness poem that I kept to this day. What's remarkable isn't that I actually wrote a poem, something that I loathed throughout my college career as an English Major. What's interesting is the actual content of the poem itself -- a timely explanation of why I was zoning out at work. Here is the poem:
Fast connection.
Super speed is my internet.
Watch the frames
Speed by in Digital.
Digital mind.
Digital Computers.
Digital watch.
Digital world.
Digital cable.
Lots of additional movie channels.
Always something on.
Get less sleep.
-- Matt, January 2002

I'm on the Board

2006-06-01T22:53:00.000-04:00

I have been asked to participate on the Board of the Cobb County Summer Singers, a community choir in it's freshman year. I am flattered by the invitation, and I am excited about the possibilities.
Frankly, when it comes down to it, I am overjoyed with the opportunity to participate in a project like this. It is putting everything I learned putting the Gasball Music Festival on to good use. I don't know if I get an actual title other than Board Member, but there are only five of us so far and the responsibilities are huge. It is up to us to successfully launch, promote and produce a successful singing group performing a concert at the end of the summer.
At our first board meeting the other day, at the local Rib Ranch (yep, we are in the Deep South), we came up with out Mission Statement:
"To offer a Joyful opportunity for singers from our diverse Community
to perform together in annual summer concerts,
providing excellent programs featuring sacred and secular choral music, and
contributing to a deeper appreciation for the Arts while strengthening the bonds of our community Spirit."
I like it. This is gonna be a blast.

There is now a piano in the house!

2006-06-01T22:47:00.000-04:00

My wonderful wife was able to find an incredible deal on a used Sterling upright piano. It is 28 years old and sounds great. For a mere $100.00 and about $70 in moving costs we were able to bring this musical instrument into our house.
The previous owner owned it all his life. His mom bought it for him when he was five and he has played it ever since. He recently bought himself a Yamaha grand piano to replace it. Quite a replacement.
The piano is still in tune and the tone is still very nice. I will have to start practicing again so that I can be sure to get Big Sis interested in taking lessons herself one day.

I am writing a blog for my sister-in-law, Adair

2006-06-01T08:25:00.000-04:00

My sister-in-law, Adair, is currently on a school trip travelling around Europe. She sends regular emails back to us about the things she is doing. I am posting them all on a blog so that the rest of the family can see them easily. Check it out if you get the chance.
http://adairgoestoeurope.blogspot.com/

My Wonderful Wife has a website

2006-05-31T00:34:00.000-04:00

WW is a consultant for Creative Memories, a scrapbooking hobby supply retailer. She loves the books she produces, and enjoys helping others do the same. Check out her site at http://www.mycmsite.com/sites/eliseackerman

Summertime is Jeep time

2006-05-30T22:35:00.000-04:00

I love my Jeep Wrangler.
I loved it since the day i bought it six years ago.
I have loved Jeeps even though one almost killed me in high school. (horrible Jeep-rolling accident. No big whoop.)
I had owned a Jeep Grand Cherokee before, but it just wasn't the same. I have owned an assortment of cars: Dodge Ram 50 pickup, Honda Civic DX, Jeep Grand Cherokee Limited, BMW 318i, Dodge Neon. But it wasn't until I bought this car that I realized what I was meant to drive.
I took it with me from the North when I moved to the Deep South. I have taken it on road trips, including ones to the Outer Banks to be able to reach the most northern coastal points where there are no roads but beautiful beaches. I drive it every day to work. I miss it when I swap cars with my wife.
Driving the Jeep up north was great during the winter -- you can get anywhere with four-wheel drive. With it's higher-than-normal ground clearance, I can hop curbs and park anywhere.
Down south it has been even better -- it is a convertable and more. I can take the rear windows out and catch a breeze. I can leave the top up and take the doors off giving it a "golf-cart" kind of feel for cruising around town. It's maneuverable, with a tight turn radius, so I can make my way easily through tough Atlanta traffic.
Best of all, it makes me feel good. I am happy driving that Jeep.
With Summertime here, I need to find a way to minimize the amount of rain that gets inside my Jeep on the days that I am enjoying the Jeep-benefits. The current project is clearing out the garage of the accumulated kiddie-stuff: toys, wagons, strollers (there are four...), cribs, walkers, megasaucers, desks, etc. I need to organize the tools, lawn mowers (there are two of those), wheel barrows, and other lawn maintenance accessories that go mostly under-used. And lastly I need to throw away all the old boxes from gifts, appliances, monitors and other purchases that we have saved "just in case". Once that is all done, there will once again be room in the garage for both cars.
I have the doors off the jeep and the windows out right now. I have the top up to keep the sun off my perpetually thinning dome. I love driving it this way, but I have to pay much closer attention to the weather forcast than I normally would. It is supposed to rain on Thursday and maybe a little more on Friday. After that there will be 10 days of sunshine.
I can't wait.
Remember how I once wrote that I needed to sell the Jeep? I hope that day doesn't come too soon.

Bubba likes food.

2006-05-29T21:42:00.000-04:00

Big Boy has shown enough interest recently in people food that we have started him on baby cereal. He was so excited to eat food on a spoon, he quickly graduated from rice cereal (blick!), to baby oatmeal, to a mixture of barley, rice and oat cereal. Those of you with kids know what I am talking about. For the masses who have no idea why I haven't given my kid Rice Krispies yet, you have to understand that this is no ordinary cereal that we are feeding Bubba. This cereal is in a powder/flake form and all you do is add water, formula or milk to it and WHAMMO you have baby cereal: a puree of rice mush. It is worse than it sounds, but our kid loves it.
No one is surprised. Bubba likes food.
After about three weeks on cereal it was time to advance him up to vegetable purees. Oh yeah, you only wish you could eat this good.
Yesterday we opened up a package of sweet potatos for him. Dabbing a little bit of the food onto his lip, we sat back, watched and waited. He went to work on it, probably hoping for some bland cereal. Instead he got the shock of his short life: flavor.
His eyes shot open and he smiled wide. Mikey likes it. After a few small spoonfuls placed into his open mouth, I loaded one up with a good sized bite. So much flavor hit his palate at once, he shook and winced at the surprise. It was almost like the look someone makes when they take a lick of a lemon -- the shocked reflexive reaction when their face screws up from the sour, then a smile of pleasure at the sensations. He squeals for the food until we give him another bite. He eats everything and leaves nothing left over.
No one is surprised. Bubba likes food.

I can't stop watching horror movies.

2006-05-28T01:34:00.000-04:00

I don't know why I do this to myself.
I have a Netflix account. It is fantastic. I go online, pick out a bunch of movies I want to watch and then they ration them out to me a few at a time. My Wonderful Wife and I share the account, and we each have our own queue. She picks out all the girlie movies she wants and then I have the responsibility for choosing movies that we both would watch in between the ones that only I would be crazy enough to view.
Once every couple of months I queue up a horror flick. Normally it isn't the old fashioned movies, although I have given myself a history lesson now and again. Usually it is the cutting edge of mainstream horror films; the scariest, the grossest, the most tension-giving films you can't even imagine.
I love the rush, the thrill, the adrenaline of being scared by these movies.
But they scare me so much that it is a torture for me to watch them.
Take tonight's fare: "Hostel", a movie about American back-packers travelling Europe, lured by the promise of easy women to a particular, off-the-map, hostel where tourists are captured and used as torture victims for rich deviants. It's gory, it's scary and it's a complete stress-fest.
This movie is only 94 minutes long, but i have been watching it for over three hours. I take breaks to read up on the latest baseball scores, play a video game, write this blog. I need the breaks or I would cry myself to sleep later. I still might.
Normally, after watching one of these movies, I turn on all the lights on the way back to my bedroom. I turn on the one ahead of me before going back and turning off the ones behind me. I normally check all the doors to be sure that they are all locked. Tonight I forgot. On my way to sleep I try to distract myself from everything I just saw, normally without much luck. I sit awake, scrutinizing every sound in the entire house.
An hour ago, Little Bubba stirred himself awake. As a reflex, I paused the movie, went down the hall, entered his (dark) room and closed the door behind me so I can soothe him without bothering anyone else. As he fell back asleep, I realized how dark it was in the room. I realized how dark it was in the hall. I realized how little I wanted to open the door to leave his room.
Silly, right? If the movies bother me so much, why do I watch them?
I have no idea.
I can't help myself.
My wife just shakes her head at me. There is no way she will watch with me.
I actually only have one friend who will go see horror flicks in the theater with me: Darryl. We saw "The Village", "Saw" and some Dragon movie that wasn't really a horror film. Ok, "The Village" wasn't that scary either. But it was supposed to be. Darryl is the only one crazy enough to see these movies with me.
I still have no idea why I do it.
I am sickened by the gore, I am frightened by the shocks, I am upset by how tense the movies are.
I keep renting them.
I have about 10 minutes left in this movie. Probably not much left that will scare me, but I still needed a break to diffuse this stress I was feeling.
I'll do it again. I have fifty different horror movies in my Netflix queue, all just waiting their turn. I won't get to all of them. I'll see a lot of them.
My mother wouldn't let me watch horror films when I was a kid. I never saw any of the classics: Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elm Street, The Omen, Amityville Horror, Evil Dead, etc. I did see Poltergeist, and it scared the pants of me. There was a birthday sleepover I went to as a kid and (I remember this distinctly) I spent most of the night in the kitchen with the kid's mother while everyone else watched "The Thing" in the living room. I knew that if I watched it, my mom would be very disappointed.
Now I know she doesn't really care. Well, I'm sure as she is reading this she is shaking her head at me just like my Wonderful Wife does, but that's okay. I have seen most of those old classics now -- I have caught myself up on the essentials.
In high school I went to the movies often. I remember seeing two horror movies in particular: "Serpent and the Rainbow" and "Prince of Darkness". Those two were enough that I didn't watch horror movies very often after that.
In college I watched the Hellraiser series. Nightmare central, my dorm room.
So what's the other movie I have? The one that is "wife approved"? "The Producers", starring Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick. We watched the first 20 minutes of it and it was so awful that I couldn't put myself through another two hours of it. The songs were silly, the acting was over-done, and the jokes were barely funny. I normally like Mel Brooks, but I couldn't handle this. My wife checked out ten minutes earlier than I did, reaching for her book.
So I put on "Hostel" instead.
Three hours later I am tired, and I can't wait to go to bed, but I am so nervous that I am not looking forward to it.
I can't stop watching horror movies.

Let the festivities begin!

2006-05-24T22:07:00.000-04:00

My sister, Bean, is getting married! After dating her boyfriend, Mike, for about a year, he decided to make her an honest woman. (whatever that means.)
Wedding dates are tentatively scheduled for this fall, and the planning is underway. I can only imagine how excited she is, and I am very happy for her.
She has asked me to sing with my sisters during the ceremony, the same song that they sang for me at my wedding. I have also been requested to sing a **gulp** solo. I may need some help picking out the song... (hint hint).
More to come.

The best part is that I wasn't the last to know. In fact, I may have been one of the first to know. Amazing.

Warm Beer

2006-05-22T09:01:00.000-04:00

The grocery store in the town where my parents live has this special section, near the rest of the beer coolers. I couldn't believe it even existed. Ok, I understand that there might be a need for a "non-alcoholic beer" section. In fact, we should definitely segregate that class of beer off and away from my kind of beer just in case I accidentally pick some of that up. No one will ever be able to accuse me of non-alcoholism.
What really caught my eye was the entire section, large enough to sign it, dedicated to Warm Beer. It's an insult to my eye, but I had to share it.

Shoe Repair follow-up

2006-05-16T23:20:00.000-04:00

Here is the response from the Dr. Marten's support center:

Thanks for the clarification. Dr. Martens warrants against manufacturing defects, but not against wear and tear or comfort/fit issues. Though we cannot offer you a refund for your merchandise, we will replace it if there is a factory defect. Unfortunately we do not have facilities for repairs.

Looks like Matt is getting a new pair of sandals. Thanks Dr. Marten's. You have renewed my faith in your product.

Now I can have my Sunday nights back

2006-05-15T23:33:00.000-04:00

"Grey's Anatomy" is finally over for this season and I can have my life and my wife back.
I didn't want to watch another TV show.
I don't mean that. I didn't want to get caught up in another TV show.
Too late.
My wife has watched this show from week one, and as a result I have as well. I try to avoid the trivial episodes, but I can't miss the big ones. Ok, maybe i don't actually try very hard to miss them. Maybe I will fold laundry during the show to feign indifference.
I saw the "Code Black" episode after the Super Bowl. Actually I only watched the Super Bowl just so I could know when "Grey's Anatomy" would start.
I had to watch the three hour season finale too. I needed to know what was going to happen.
Needed.
It's over.
Only one cliff-hanger for the summer. I'll forget about it in a day or so.
What else can I do with my Sunday nights? I'm sure I'll think of something.
A few months until I have to give my Sunday's back to this show. See you this fall, ABC Network.

My favorite shoes, giving me a problem.

2006-05-14T22:14:00.000-04:00

I have a pair of sandals that I love that I can't wear. They cost more than the average pair of shoes, especially sandals. They broke after I had them for about a year, the buckle snapped and what were a barely worn pair of sandals were now an unwearable waste of money. I would normally just return them or refuse to ever buy from that manufacturer again, but these are Dr. Marten's, and if you know anything about "docs", then you know I love these shoes. So here is my predicament: I don't want to give up on these shoes, but I don't have much recourse. They were a year old when they originally broke, but they are three years old now. Not much left to do, but to appeal to the people in power.
Can you see me flexing my internet muscles? I am. I wrote an email and here's how it goes.

06/18/2004 05:46 AM
Subject: disappointed with quality of Fisherman sandals
Hi! I love the shoes, and own five pairs of Dr. Martens. One of the pairs I own I bought last summer, a pair of the 8092DUN in Bark, recently broke. The buckle for the ankle strap completely snapped off and I can't repair it myself. I am very disappointed, because I can't wear them at all anymore. They were very expensive and I would like to return these for replacement. Who should I talk to?

Matt
The Deep South
*********************

support@drmartensusa.com wrote:
Thanks for the question. We have replacement buckles for style # 8092 that we will send to you. Look for them in about 10 business days. A local shoe repair shop can snap them on for you!
Sincerely,
Consumer Relations Dept.
Dr. Martens AirWair USA
www.dmusastore.com
1-800-229-1262
*********************

05/14/2006 11:01 PM
Subject: disappointed with quality of Fisherman sandals
Me again. I am up to 6 pairs of Dr. Martens shoes now, and I still have the same pair of sandals that I wrote about below. I continue to have the problem with the buckles. Both left and right shoes have repeatedly snapped off the buckles that keep my these sandals on my feet.
It's not from overuse -- I barely get to wear them since they are constantly broken. I repair them, and it isn't too long before a buckle snaps off again.
I think it's either a design flaw or some kind of manufacturing defect. I have another pair of DM sandals that are only one year newer, and those have never broken. The problem now is that they have been repaired so frequently that the hole where the buckle snaps into has worn out faster than the rest of the shoe.
It is unacceptable that I have had to incur the cost of repairing this shoe multiple times for something that is an obvious problem with the shoe. It seems that it is enough of a "known issue" that you have packages of replacement buckles ready to send out when needed.
I was originally satisfied with the replacement buckles because I didn't think that the problem would continue. I am no longer satisfied with that solution.
Thank you for your attention.

We'll see what happens.

Dr. Sheila has moved her web address

2006-05-05T23:40:00.000-04:00

Ahh, ok, she is working on her doctorate still, but it's fun to call her that.
Her blog has recently moved, so update your links!
http://chnm.gmu.edu/staff/sheila/blog/

Soda flunks out: bad beverages no longer allowed on campus

2006-05-05T00:50:00.000-04:00

When I was in high school, I lived on Mott's apple-grape juice and chocolate chip cookies. I would buy both for less than two dollars total from the "snack lady" in the cafeteria. I never ate much for lunch, and by that, I mean I didn't eat much else than cookies and juice. But it didn't seem to matter; I was tall and on the skinny side of out-of-shape, and I still had the wrestler's metabolism from my freshman year.
There were two drink machines in our school, a public school in Connecticut where the average class size at that time was less than 300. One machine was more of what I liked to drink for lunch, Mott's fruit juices in all sorts of flavors. They were tasty and delicious, and I didn't care that they were healthy. It wouldn't have even occurred to me that they would be actually, since they tasted so sweet it felt indulgent.
The other machine was a Coke machine.
That machine stayed turned off until after last period had begun.
I might have liked the Mott's, but I craved Coca-Cola.
It didn't matter that it was pure sugar dressed up as sweet caramel colored liquid goodness. I just new that it tickled my nose and made me hyper. As if I needed any encouragement.
It didn't matter that there were rumors that the phosphoric acids in it would stunt my growth. (coke lore link) I was already over six feet tall and rising. With my coordination I had no hope of ever getting a basketball scholarship.
Looking back, however, I think I was pretty active. Active enough to balance the soda I would wait patiently for. Eventually, after a few college years of drinking alternative carbonated beverages, the cokes would have a greater effect on me.
Nowadays, Diet Coke is the way to go. One of the first things I eliminated from my diet was "sugar sodas" and I think that was a huge help in losing the first fifteen pounds. After a while I didn't even miss them. Diet Coke tasted almost as good as the real thing.
Anyway, there is a recent development that has soda machines being locked permanently in schools. This is probably a good thing, but I think that just taking the fat kid's soda away won't solve the problem.
Get the kid off the couch and back onto the soccer field, and then you will reduce the obesity problem in kids. But that's just my two cents.
Here is the link to the article: (link to the St. Louis Post Dispatch)Worth a quick read.

Poll reveals Connecticut's favorite baseball team

2006-05-04T23:12:00.000-04:00

There seems to be some discussion about which team is more popular in Connecticut, the Red Sox or the Yankees. As if there was any dispute.

My friend Archie, a New England native is often accused of being a Sox fan because of his roots. Not so. Couldn't be further from the truth. link

While I was recently visiting CT I noticed more Sox hats than I remembered in the past. If it wasn't for one measly World Series in 80 or so years, one particular team wouldn't be so obnoxiously popular.

Here is the poll results, as reported by the unbiased Hartford Courant: article

Hungry?

2006-05-03T00:01:00.000-04:00

Back at Wild Wing Café tonight, and Wings are on the menu. Additionally, I am sampling a new (to me) appetizer called “Buffalo Chips” which is their own, home fried potato chips, sprinkled with blue cheese crumbles, and accompanied by a southwestern-style ranch dip. Yum.
The wings for tonight will be the JoJo’s Red Dragon Wing, which is a hot teriyaki, and the Gold Rush Wing, a spicy honey BBQ. I have been looking forward to this for weeks. Originally, the plan was to meet at a different local restaurant to watch the Yankees-Red Sox game. A well deserved stop off at Wild Wing trumps the opening innings of the game – when you don’t get out much, you have to make sacrifices.
The beer special is the 24-ounce Miller Lite. Ok, it’s cheaper than I like, but we’re on a budget. This place has a huge beer list. It comes in a laminated notebook, filled with the names of unusual bottled beers from all over the world. There is even a decent variety of draft beers to make it easy to find something you would like. But it’s Miller Lite tonight. At $3.50 for a 24-ounce tall-boy bottle, I can’t beat the price.
But no Yankee game tonight; it's rainy in Boston so I'll have to make do with a Braves game.
Someone at the table next to me ordered the hottest wings on the menu, the Braveheart. Just a sample. They brought him two or three wings in a small bowl with the warning, “these are hot.” His first bite seemed to go down easy, until he sniffled. That’s when his eyes started to water. His second bite was drenched in ranch dressing, but by then it was too late; he couldn’t close his mouth anymore. The wings were so hot (much to his pleasure, “these are awesome,” he said), he breathed with his mouth open for the rest of his meal, whistling breaths through his open lips. It was funny to watch him “enjoy” his meal.
By the way, the official diet will resume tomorrow. No one here is skinny, except the waitresses (but not all of them). Fried in oil, then dredged through a butter based sauce, Buffalo-style wings are not for the calorie conscious.

Odd Baseball Statistics

2006-05-02T22:27:00.000-04:00

Baseball is an intellectual game. It is a game of finesse as well as a game of skill. It is also a game surrounded by statistics.
Players are ranked and compared based on a number of production statistics: how many home runs they hit, how many batters they strike out. These are the kind of stats that put people in the seats. It's those great numbers that fill baseball stadiums and pique people's interest in the sport.
Baseball statisticians then can crunch all those numbers and make predictions about how certain players will perform in certain situations against certain teams in particular ball parks at specific times of the day. Yep, they get very granualar.
Some statistics are very interesting. For example, Jason Giambi of the New York Yankees is currently having a great season. He leads his team in home runs (9), has a high number of RBIs (27) and has a great batting average (.328). Sounds like he is Mr. Steady, right? Ole Reliable he is not. Actually, if you are an opposing team, you are praying that you play the Yankees at night. While during day games Giambi is hitting a super 8 homers, 21 RBIs and .556 batting average, at night he is only hitting a meager 1 home run, 6 RBIs, and .162 average. Awful. This is the kind of information that makes the game of baseball all about matchups, and strategy based on statistics.
An unusual stat was brought to my attention recently. It is so oddball that I needed to mention it here. The Kansas City Royals team doesn't have much to celebrate in the past twenty years. Their team is, well, miserable. There is one thing of note, one thing that the statisticians found to give the Royals credit for, and it has to do with the right side of their infield. The two players who currently play first and second base for the Kansas City Royals hold the record for the longest names for active first and second basemen on the same team. Their names are Mark Grudzielanek (2B) and Doug Mientkiewicz (1B).
When Skip Carey, radio announcer for the Atlanta Braves, was informed of this particular feat, he noted wryly, "oh, that'll bring 'em out for the games."
Everyone has to have something to brag about.

Lunch catered by the Varsity

2006-04-21T14:12:00.000-04:00

Our company had a great first quarter so they sponsored lunch for the entire company provided by The Varsity. They show up in a grungy truck and hand out greasy chili dogs and hamburgers and fries. Yum.
Three chili dogs with onion and mustard, a plate of fries and a Pepcid later, and Matt is a happy camper.
http://www.thevarsity.com/

Quit hitting your kid

2006-04-19T23:54:00.000-04:00

This will be a very straightforward post, because I don't feel like dancing around the subject.
Quit hitting your kid.
I don't care that he is a maniac.
I don't care that she screams in public.
I don't care that you feel embarrassed.
Get over it.
Get over yourself.
Relax.
Count to ten.
Take the kid out of the situation.
Distract them.
Learn better parenting skills.
Get yourself into anger management.
Quit hitting your kid.

I was at a restaurant tonight with my wonderful wife and our four month old baby. Aside from being the biggest kid on the block, he is an angel. We shower him with love, affection and attention and I think that is 100% the reason he is such a good kid. He fussed a little before the meal arrived, and it wasn't any big deal. We expected it, it was almost his bedtime and I knew that if I just held him close, rocked him a little, he would be easily soothed.
I was right. We pay attention to him, we meet his needs and then some. He went to sleep and there was nary a peep from him the rest of the meal. I brag, I know, but I am a proud father.
Of course our boy is more portable than most -- he is still only four months old, and a nap is almost like party time to him, so getting him to fall asleep was no challenge.
But the fact of the matter is that if he couldn't be soothed, and he screamed his head off, it wouldn't ever cross my mind to smack him the way the lady next to me smacked her son tonight.
Quit hitting your kid.
It seemed to be her birthday dinner. Accompanied by her husband, their three kids and one set of grandparents, our restaurant neighbors were enjoying their dinner. As the evening wore on, the kids were allowed to get up from the table and weave in and out of the chairs, under the table and through the aisles. This was allowed to persist until the mother reached her end. She reached behind her to grab who she obviously thought was the worst offender, jerked the thirty pound kid up by his shirt collar into swatting range and spanked the boy.
I barely noticed that the kids were fooling around at the table next to me. It might have had something to do with the great food, the wonderful company, or the engaging conversation we were having, but I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I have kids. Since Big Sis showed up on Planet Earth almost two years ago I don't bristle at the sound of whiney, screaming kids. Not anymore. It's like her arrival changed my tolerance towards kids being kids. Lucky for Big Sis.
Since the kids weren't bothering me, (and as far as I could tell weren't doing anything they weren't already allowed to do,) corporal punishment and child abuse just didn't seem to be necessary in this situation. And in this shameless, public way that mother punished her kid, I don't think that she agrees with me. I am sure that she felt it was the right course of action for the situation. The way the kid cried, I can't imagine how it could have been.
Why do you have to hurt your child?
Why do you have to humiliate your child?
How can you be so unfeeling?
How would you like it if someone who weighed six times your own weight smacked you on your ass? Can you imagine a half-ton gorilla chasing you around whenever you did something wrong? You probably won't do anything wrong ever again, right? Maybe so, but I am sure you would think that there is a better way to teach that.
Quit hitting your kid.
Find the better way. Its out there. It may not be the easy way, but it's worth it.

Now I understand why she didn't answer her phone.

2006-04-17T20:34:00.000-04:00

Not long ago I tried to call my sister on her phone but the number was disconnected. I just figured that no one told me that she switched services or that she's now sharing a line with her boyfriend. No big deal, I'll find out what her new number is eventually, right?
In the true spirit of this blog, I just found out that my sister was mugged recently. It happened a few weeks ago I guess, I still don't have the whole story.
The part I heard goes something like this: on the way home from my friend Archie's sister's birthday celebration, two hoodlums rode up on bicycles to my sister, KB, and her friends. They ripped KB's purse off of her arm and rode off with it.
There were witnesses, but none who responded to her pleas for help. She called for people to help her stop the two robbers, but no one would assist her.
KB is, to my relief, safe and sound. She has replaced her phone too, so I expect her to call me and explain this entire event to me soon.
Details to come.

Speaking of Archie...
I am playing him in my fantasy baseball league this week. Gateway Archrivals vs. Scooby's Snacks (that's me). Wish me luck! ...I'll need it.

I bought a new mower, and I bought it at Sears with pride.

2006-04-17T16:36:00.000-04:00

It took a few years, but my mower finally died.
My father-in-law delivered this push lawnmower to our house a week after we moved into it back in 2003. A brandless mower with a Briggs and Stratton 4HP engine, it was the epitome of a no frills lawn tool. No bag, small deck, but it cut the grass so how can you complain, right?
It was his back-up mower even then, with miles and years of wear on it. The choke no longer worked, so on cold days you really needed to negotiate with it. It wasn't quite dead back then, but it was close. Frankly, it was Undead. This mower, beyond all my estimations lasted through three hot-lanta summers. It cut all the weeds in my lawn indescriminantly, just like any old blade of grass.
Good mower. Nice mower. DOWN MOWER! DOWN!
Here we are in 2006 and I haven't mown my lawn yet. Not that I haven't tried... my zombie mower has just decided to not run for more than 4 seconds unless you kneel down by the discharge and continually press the primer bulb. Yeah, that's safe.
So, fueled by the embarrassment that is my yard, I headed to my computer to do my research. I was able to quickly list out all the features I needed and some of the thinks that would be "nice to have". I shopped as many home and garden websites as I could and decided that, for everything I wanted in a mower, the Sears Craftsman series would be in my budget.
I wanted a mower with a 21-22" deck, side discharge, rear bag, 6.0+ horses and a 12" rear wheel. I knew exactly what I wanted. Of course I checked out the Snapper, Toro, and John Deere models, but paying $600-$800 for a lawn mower just wasn't high on my priority list. Sears would have to do.
I mentioned my decision to a friend who immediately panned Sears. Actually his words were, "Are you kidding? Everything at Sears sucks."
I said, "but it's the Craftsman model."
"Yeah," he says, "that's what I mean. Sears sucks. It all breaks. You are wasting your money."
Interesting. If you ask anyone over the age of 40, their opinion of Sears is completely the opposite. Reliable, effecient, cost-effective. A company that stands by it's products. Even if you have a problem, they take care of it.
Ask someone under 35, and you get the same response my friend gave: don't waste your money.
What happened to people's opinion of Sears? Sad really. I am right at that middle age where I could go either way. I don't think that the Craftsman product is the best on the market. But I think that it is the best for the money. I remember Craftsman products in my Dad's workshop, and I remember reading the Sears catalog as a kid.
When I think of Sears, I think of a true American company. I think of my parents, and how I look up to them. I think of the times I have shopped there in the past and received a fair deal and good products. There you have it; that's where I am shopping. Boy I hope that mower was made in the U.S.A...
Anyway, Easter Sunday came and it turns out the mall is open. The store was probably running short-staffed and it probably worked out in my favor. I navigated the store to find the row of lawn mowers, picked out the one I wanted and was ready to buy. Even better, the model I wanted was on sale for an extra 30$ off. Perfect.
I tackled an overworked salesman and he rang up my mower, handed me a receipt and shooed me off to the "merchandise pick-up" department.
It turns out that they didn't have any more of the mower I paid for. As an apology for not having what I already purchased, the manager upgraded me to a model that cost 30% more than what I paid. I got all the features I wanted except one (the side-discharge), but in addition I got a self-propelling mower. Neato.
The best part was I didn't have to ask for the compensation. He just offered it. He made it easy.
Thanks Sears. I'll be back. But first, I am gonna tell my friend about how I made out like a bandit.

2000 visits!

2006-04-11T00:34:00.000-04:00

In just 75 days, this page has received another 1000 visits! That's 13 visits a day! Ok, that's not that much. Some days are better than others.
A lot of the recent traffic has been due to the Fantasy Baseball 101 articles I have written. People are always looking for an edge when it comes to this pasttime, and the internet is one way to get it. I hope my articles were helpful. Find them here: Rookie, Draft Strategy, Stadiums, Draft Strategy II, and The Market.
I still get a surprising number of hits because of people looking for info on "Nobody Jeans", which sends people to my "The Decline of Western Civilization" article. I also see a lot of people searching for "Dehydrated Water". Funny.

Tornado!

2006-04-10T22:29:00.000-04:00

This past weekend I experienced my third tornado since moving to the Deep South. This was, by far, the closest call.
When I first moved down here, within the first few months we had a tornado touch down pretty close to where I was living. It wasn't really that close -- I was never in any danger, but I had a great view of the town, and the storm, below my apartment on a hill. I was amazed by the color of the sky, the noise of the storm, the force of the wind. I was drawn out to the deck to watch the funnel cloud in the distance, but I couldn't see it. Friends watching the story unfold on the television threw a fit when they found me outside standing alone in the storm. I didn't realize how dangerous the storm could be.
During that same Spring, on a long drive home visiting my Wonderful Wife while she was working in Raleigh, I got caught in a flash storm. On a long stretch of empty road I found myself barely able to drive 10 miles an hour because the rain was coming down too hard. I was acutely aware of the green colored sky and scanned the radio for news of the storm. What I could hear through the static of an AM Radio station confirmed what I already knew to be true: a tornado was near. As the hail started to fall I finally found the shelter of a gas station's roof. Feeling brave, I got out of my car and headed into the store for some snacks. Sideways falling rain had be soaked before I made it to the store's entrance.
I still haven't had a bad experience with a tornado, thank goodness, but this weekend was a lot closer than I ever want to come again.
I spent the past weekend at home with only Little Sis to keep me company. My Wonderful Wife took Bubba to San Francisco so that they could attend the wedding of one of her best friends. Little Sis and I had a great time all weekend, but that is another story all together.
At 3:30 AM on Saturday morning, the tornado siren went off. It was a complete coincidence that I even heard it -- earlier that night I decided that it was warm enough for the first time this year to open the bedroom window. I am a pretty heavy sleeper, but that sound woke me up. I didn't exactly remember what the siren was for at the time so I dozed off. A few minutes later I sat straight up in bed when I was awakened by the familiar sound of hail. I remembered what the siren was for. The wind was picking up, noisier than I remember the usual thunderstorms being. It was actually so loud that I felt my heart race a little.
Calm down, I told myself, what is it that I have to do here? Go get my kid.
I quickly entered her room and scooped her up in my arms. As I was turning to head downstairs, I stopped and grabbed her sock monkey. I am not sure if I grabbed it for me or for her. I gave it to her. Still (mostly) asleep, she hugged it instinctively, and I held her tightly with both arms.
Down two long flights of steps to the basement. Don't fall, don't fall, don't fall.
At the bottom of the basement staircase I stood for a moment listening again to the sound of the wind pushing against my house. The noise of the tornado was getting louder, closer. I look around for a good hiding spot and decide that the best spot is actually at the foot of the staircase, where both corners of the basement are fully below ground.
The lights flickered once and went out. Not great. Losing power made the storm feel even closer. As if it was an answer to my failing nerve, the lights came back on. We are going to make it.
We live in a twenty-year-old house. It is a great home, lots of character, and not outdated feeling since we changed some of the paint and removed all the wallpaper. With some of the updates we have done, it is sometimes easy to forget that it is that old (with all the recent development in the area, twenty years is ancient). This storm made the house sound weak and thin. It was as if that house was at the chiropractor and the storm was cracking every old bone in the house. The wind was relentless and it rattled walls and windows for twenty long minutes.
Then, without flourish, the storm quieted down to where I could barely hear it over the quiet rainfall.
With Big Sis still (mostly) asleep, I loosened my lock-grip on her and stood up. Exhausted, I carry her up the stairs back to her room. Laying her down in her bed, her eyes immediately flip open. "Watch Tee-Vee?" OK, kid. Whatever you want. I am too spent to argue.
I brought her into my room, set her in the middle of my huge bed, resting her head on thick king-size pillows. She looked tiny under the enormous down comforter. "Watch Tee-Vee?" You got it, kid. But it's gonna be the Weather Channel... hope you don't mind.
Five minutes later, forty-five long minutes after I had first heard the siren, the T.V. was turned off and we were both quickly asleep, safe out of the path of the storm.

Laughing Boy

2006-03-23T10:33:00.000-05:00

Our kid is getting a sense of humor. By that I mean that he thinks that everything we do is funny. When he is giggling, it consumes his whole body.
I think that he saw this photo and is trying to imitate this kid:

I thought my nephew was a giant...

2006-03-20T13:18:00.000-05:00

It turns out that our family just makes "big boys". I took Little Bubba in for a sick-visit to his doctor last Friday and he weighed in at 18 pounds 2 ounces. He is just 14 weeks old.
Big Boy.
I can no longer touch fingertip to fingertip when i hold him around his chest, under his arms.
Very Big Boy.
I mentioned to the doctor that since he has caught this cold, he hasn't been eating as well. The doctor said that he didn't think that anyone would notice.
VERY Big Boy.

Fantasy Baseball 101: Taking the Rookie Risk

2006-03-19T22:02:00.000-05:00

My friend, Archie, recently posted on his website that the highly anticipated rookie Delmon Young will start this season in the minor leagues. (http://bosl.blogspot.com/2006/03/rooked.html) He then poses the question: Is the "sure-fire prospect" worth a roster spot even if he will start in the minors, or do you use that bench position for a player who can impact your team today?

It's a tough question: How much is that rookie worth? You rarely can tell even from reading what all the sports writers pontificate about any particular freshman player. No matter how they did in the minors, college or high school, there is no predicting the success of a rookie ball player.

So how do you answer the question? There are lots of factors. First, decide if this rookie is a guaranteed performer, baseball prodigy and future hall of famer or is this new recruit just a sleeper pick with a big upside. How can you tell? That's where the sports writers come in. I can't visit all the spring training camps, or watch any of the winter ball played in Latin America (someday maybe...), but I can read about it. If everyone is talking about them, chances are that they will make a big splash; consider them the "sure-fire prospect". If you only read news on a particular player only on seldom occasions, or if that player is stuck in the system behind another super-star (like Andy Marte waiting for Chipper Jones to kick it the past few years in Atlanta), that player is a greater risk and is best considered a sleeper.

Another factor is the kind of league that you play in. If you play in a league where you draft an entirely new team every year, future hall of famers do you little or no good if they are not yet playing in the major leagues. However, if yours is a keeper squad it might be worth the risk to spend (and maybe waste) a roster spot to stash away that star in the making.

Beware of the hype surrounding any rookie. It is easy to get sucked in by the likes of Mike MacDougal (fireballer who started out strong in Kansas City, but who burned out quickly), Nick Johnson (touted by the Yankee farm system as the next Babe Ruth, never saw that potential due to limitations caused by his injury prone body), or even Jeremy Reed (who was supposed to revolutionize Seattle baseball last year but ended up striking out once every seven plate appearances and struggled to break a .250 average). Catcher prospects rarely fulfill their pre-season hype. Last year, JD Closser and John Buck broke into the majors last year with high expectations but both had great difficulties adjusting to the workload of a major league season. Closser's confidence has been so negatively affected by his rookie season that he is no longer the starting catcher in Colorado.

There are some players for whom the hype is reality. Albert Pujols, David Wright, Miguel Cabrera, Alfonso Soriano are all the kinds of players that you read a lot about before they even played their first major league game. The day they arrived they made an immediate impact to their teams, and everyone expected them to. Even Johnny Estrada, who worked his way through the Philadelphia farm system and spent two years with the Phillies before being traded to the Atlanta Braves, turned out to be as good as expected. The Braves knew all about this guy, traded star pitcher Kevin Millwood for him and he didn't disappoint. In his first full year with Atlanta he played in 134 games and hit .314 -- he was chosen to the National League All Star team that year.

With all that swimming around in your head, as you read the news and updates about your potential super-stud, read between the lines. Delmon Young is practically the second coming of Dave Winfield, but why is he not going to start in the majors this year? What is it that we are not being told? Although all the prevailing wisdom is telling us to hold on to this kid, that he will be worth the wait, do so with a nod to the risk you are taking by locking up that roster spot on your fantasy team with a player who will not generate any stats for you.

I think that in this case he is worth the risk. In my opinion, it is a good move to make if you can afford the roster slot, you are in a keeper league, and if you don't have any other players you are taking the same risk on.

Other rookies that are worth taking a look at:
Jeremy Hermida (home run power and speed)
Ryan Zimmerman (a lot of talk, not much proof yet)
Francisco Lirano (touted as the next Johan Santana)
Prince Fielder (bigger than his Daddy, hits farther too)
Matt Cain (great ERA and WHIP projected)
Matt Murton (a bit of a sleeper, if he can hit consistently)
J. Gathright (speedy outfielder, could hit for power)
Kenji Johjima (another Japan pro turns MLB rookie)
Josh Barfield (will he be better than his Daddy?)
Joey Devine (Closer of the future for the Braves)
Boof Bonser (wasn't he the tough guy in Teen Wolf?)
Eric Duncan (first baseman of the future for the Yankees)
Josh Willingham (not a strong catcher, might play LF to keep his bat in lineup)
Justin Verlander (Detriot fireballer had rough 2005, but could be a star)
Ian Kinsler (a good hitter in a hitter's park. nice.)

The risk is high with any rookie on draft day. It is unusual that their freshman year is anything superb. Even for Rookie of the Year candidates, a lot of talk is spent on how much potential they have. That being said, i still have a hard time staying away from the allure of the rookie phenom. I am a sucker for a good story, and lots of rookies have that "story". I believe that for all the risks, it is the successful rookie pick that can make or break your fantasy team. I believe that the winner at the end of the season will not only have a team made up of seasoned veterans, but also of several very good rookies who turn out to be better than the middle of the road journeymen usually available on the waiver wire.

Last year I was successful with a team that picked up Huston Street and drafted David Wright. But I had also taken Draft Day chances on JD Closser and Jeremy Reed, neither or who stayed on my roster for very long. Archie, in the same league last year picked Clint Barmes and Dallas McPherson on Draft Day. If either stayed healthy, they would have been stand out picks. Barmes will get another chance to start this year. McPherson is all but done.

So to answer the question: "to take a chance on Delmon Young or let him go," I would take the chance in a keeper league, and let him go if it's not. DISCLAIMER: Past performance is not indicative of future results.

There's a tiger in her tank!!

2006-03-15T10:00:00.000-05:00

RAWR!!!

My mind is on auto-pilot

2006-03-13T10:29:00.000-05:00

Sometimes when i am distracted I can go on auto-pilot. It happens a lot when I play video games. I can have a full conversation and later have no idea what we talked about. Television does it to me as well -- my wife says I get "sucked in". It happens other times when I have most of my focus trained on one difficult task.

This weekend I was helping someone move out of their apartment into their new house. During the move, while i was wrestling with a large piece of living room furnature, a friend asked me, "Are those new sneakers you're wearing?".

** sweat pouring down my face
** muscles straining under the weight of the furnature
** body overheating under the afternoon sun
** my mind, barely able to focus on the question, reaches back for the most logical answer

"They were new when I bought 'em." It made sense to me at the time.

But what was really going through my mind at the time was something like this, all in slow motion:
Of course she can see by the scuffs that they weren't brand-spanking-new-right-out-of-the-box-yesterday, right?
Or does she mean, did I get them recently?
Does she think five months ago is recent?
Ouch, i wonder if anyone could hear that pop in my back.
Is she making a statement on how I am not wearing Converse All Stars?
Does she know that I run regularly now?
Is she making fun of my shortie-socks?
How could she interrupt me while I am so obviously engaged in something else?
What was it that she was asking me?

"They were new when I bought 'em." It was the best answer I could muster under the circumstances.